


With Abandon or Not At All

by tinyarmedtrex



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Chef Ronan, M/M, Ronan has all the feels and none of the ability to deal with them, at a fancy vineyard, faking dating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2019-06-26 08:27:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15659496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinyarmedtrex/pseuds/tinyarmedtrex
Summary: “Oh a boyfriend! That’s amazing! Perfect! That’s perfect! What’s his name? We’ll get him added to all the lists.” She cooed and Ronan could hear a pen scratching in the background.“Adam Parrish.”Ronan wins a spot on a fancy cooking competition and needs to bring someone along. Adam agrees to go as his fake boyfriend. Things go about as well as you'd expect





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m not bringing anyone.” Ronan repeated into the phone, growing more annoyed with every passing second. “No, solo. Single. Alone.” He paused, listening. “Yes, that’s right. I’m planning to die alone as well. Thanks.” He slammed his phone down on the table. “Fuckers.”  

Adam arched an eyebrow and watched him. “That went well.”

“Fuck off.” Ronan said, grabbing his scotch and pouring a generous glass before falling next to Adam. “These people don’t take no for an answer.”

Adam patted his arm condescendingly. “There there, you’ll just need to enjoy your fancy vacation all alone. Poor Ronan.”

“Fuck off.” Ronan repeated, pulling his arm back and crossing them, openingly sulking now.

Adam knew him too well to be offended. “Ronan, this is an honor. Try to enjoy it.”

“I am! I just want them to stop calling me and asking if it’s  _ really  _ just me. Like I’m hiding some boyfriend under my coat or something.” 

Ronan had been invited to a week at California Wine Country for the best 30 under 30 chefs. The contestants were going to be wined and dined for a week, including a ‘friendly’ cooking competition and various interviews with TV and magazines all week. It was a big deal, and Ronan knew that. He was lucky to be selected, and that was the only reason he hadn’t dropped out. The name recognition from being on it at all, plus the potential prize at the end, a fancy sous chef position in New York and a cash prize, made his still his tongue and not yell at the condescending voices on the other end of the phone. 

The other contestants were all bringing someone - most significant others but some their kids or best friends. They had been asked to bring someone important, hinting that it would be part of the competition and that they preferred it to be someone they were romantically involved with, but had also been told it was optional and Ronan had rejected the idea immediately. He didn’t want anyone there to watch him, even now he didn’t like when his friends watched him cook. It made him nervous and then he messed up. Once, Gansey was helping him and he had accidentally swapped salt for sugar. He had yet to live to down. 

But Food and Wine had been calling him, strongly implying that he needed to bring someone, even though it wasn’t, per say, required. He was ready to throw his phone across the room, sick of explaining that yes, he was still single and no, he didn’t have any friends. He’d tried saying that all his friends had died in a forest but the agent hadn’t bought it. 

“Ronan,” Adam sighed. He’d been listening to these complaints for weeks. “Just bring Gansey. He’d fit right in with all those fancy food people. Or Noah, he wouldn’t fit in at all and it’d be so entertaining.” 

Ronan didn’t want to bring either of them. He wanted to bring the nerd who was sitting next to him on the couch, a boring, thick book balancing on his legs.

Ronan and Adam lived in the same apartment building but Adam was always at Ronan’s apartment, because Ronan was always cooking and Adam never did. As a result Ronan had invested in more things- like a nice couch and TV to hang out on. It was a rare night that Adam wasn’t over, even for just an hour. 

And Ronan wasn’t one to complain. He’d been harboring some level of feelings for Adam for years, since high school, but he never brought it up. He wasn’t going to ruin what they had by admitting his clearly one sided feelings. Looking back, he thought that Adam had feelings for him during high school but neither had acted on it and the moment had passed. 

Now they had this, movies nights and talking shit about their friends. Ronan could ignore that it wasn’t quite what he wanted because it was better than nothing. 

“No.” He said, finally responding to Adam. “I’m not bringing them.”

“Bring me then.” Adam joked. “I’ll happily be your fake boyfriend if you let me eat all the leftovers.”

Ronan turned to him, trying to control his reaction. Adam was kidding, he knew that, but even the thought of bringing him with make his heart beat faster.

“I need to go to bed.” Ronan said abruptly, standing up. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. He knew it was his fault for bringing it up but now he was done discussing it. 

Adam looked at him, a little startled by the sudden change but so used to Ronan that he didn’t ask. “See you tomorrow then.”

Ronan grunted, already halfway to his room while Adam let himself out. Ronan fell on his bed, trying to think of what he could do. 

\----

“Mr. Lynch, please reconsider. We’d really appreciate if you brought someone. It would enhance your experience and help us with the TV show. We think it’s a great decision.”

Ronan’s hand clenched and he reminded himself not to break his phone. “Then why isn’t it a fucking requirement?” He gritted out. He had been trying really hard not to snap at them. He knew that he needed to be nice to these people, it was the opportunity of a lifetime and he couldn’t blow it. But, it was trying as fuck to talk to these people.

The woman on the other ended twittered. “Oh well it is optional! But we do look kindly on those who choose to bring someone.” 

Ronan read that loud and clear. Bring someone or lose. He’d spent enough time at fancy parties to know how to read between the lines. 

Ronan wanted this. He hadn’t let himself really think about it until it drew closer. But the idea of winning, of earning the cash prize and the internship, he wanted it. He knew he’d never have another opportunity like this and he didn’t want to blow it. 

The next words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. “Fine. You win. I’ll bring my boyfriend. He didn’t want to be on camera but I’m sure once he hears how important it is, he’ll come.” 

Ronan regretted it as soon as he said it but it was too late. The woman was making a delighted sound. “Oh a boyfriend! That’s amazing! Perfect! That’s perfect! What’s his name? We’ll get him added to all the lists.” She cooed and Ronan could hear a pen scratching in the background. 

“Adam Parrish.” Ronan’s mouth clearly wanted to kill him. There was no chance that this ended well for him. After five more minutes of questions about Adam- allergies, birthday, food preferences- all of which Ronan knew without thinking, they hung up, the woman clearly thrilled about this development and Ronan wanting to punch something. 

He went to lay down, thinking about what he had done. When he heard his front door opening he got up. Adam had a spare key, it was easier, and this was the first time that Ronan had regretted giving him one. 

“Ronan? Where are you? You aren’t masturbating are you?” 

Ronan pulled his door open, looking at Adam, who was carrying popcorn and candy. Movie night, right. The last thing Ronan wanted to was sit next to Adam and watch some shitty movie he needed to tell Adam what had happened so Adam could reject the idea and then Ronan could call them up again, saying that he was back to being solo.

Ronan fell down next to him, watching as Adam picked out some period piece. He needed to tell him. The event was in a week and he needed to tell him. 

But all he could do was make quips about how the two main characters were obviously gay and how terrible the outfits were. Adam responded that yes, they probably were and agreed about the outfits.

The movie wrapped and Adam stood, readying to go back to his apartment. 

“Wait.” Ronan finally said as Adam walked to the door. Adam turned to him, eyebrow arched. 

“Did you want to watch the sequel?” He teased. 

“Fuck no.” Ronan replied, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Remember my trip?”

“The one you’ve been moaning about for months? Yea, vaguely.” Adam said, smirking at him.

Ronan shoved his shut up down. “I told them I was bringing my boyfriend.” 

Adam’s eyes widened and he smiled. “A secret boyfriend Lynch? How unlike you. Who’s the unlucky guy?”

Ronan ran his tongue along his teeth, waiting another beat before finally saying, “You.” 

Ronan’s wasn’t sure what he had been expected but it wasn’t for Adam to start coughing, choking on his shock and spit. Ronan walked over, slightly alarmed and started whacking Adam’s back. 

“Parrish you don’t need to kill yourself, just say no.” Ronan said, once Adam had stopped.

Adam was still bright red and couldn’t talk yet. He gave Ronan the finger as he caught his breath. Ronan watched, now concerned. He had expected Adam to just tell him to fuck off and say no not nearly die. 

But now Adam was nodding, saying something that Ronan couldn’t quite hear.

“What?” He asked, whacking Adam’s back again.

“That doesn’t help asshole.” Adam replied, his voice slightly hoarse, and Ronan laughed. Adam looked at him and laughed too. Then he said, “I’ll go with you.”

“What?” He asked again, incredulous. 

Adam nodded. “They clearly expect you to bring someone. It’s a requirement even if they’re denying it. For me, it’s a free vacation with good food. Plus, someone needs to make sure you play nice with everyone else. We want you to win this Lynch, and you need supervision when interacting with other humans.”

Ronan stared at Adam, so unable to believe he was agreeing that he let the insults go. “They think you’re my boyfriend. We have to pretend to be dating.” He explained slowly, sure that Adam had missed that part. 

Adam shrugged. “How hard can it be?”

\---------

“Oh boy, you’re an idiot.” Blue said, slapping her knee and laughing uproariously. “Or a genius. Is this just a really great plan to get Adam to date you? Because, I gotta tell you, I’m not convinced that it’ll work.”

Ronan glanced around then hissed. “Shut up Sargent.” Adam was due to be there any minute and Ronan knew that Blue’s voice carried. He already regretted telling everyone that Adam was coming. The multiple text messages asking him why and how had been bad enough. Getting shit in person made him want to disappear. 

She shook her head, taking a drink. “Not my fault you’re bringing Adam along on an romantic getaway. Why did you think this was a good idea?”

He was about to protest that he didn’t when Ronan saw the door to the restaurant open and Adam walk in, Gansey next to him. “Just, shut up, for once?” He practically pleaded. They were all going out tonight to celebrate. The show started tomorrow and premiered on TV the next day. Everyone was going to Gansey’s to watch it and Ronan was glad he didn’t have to be there to hear all the comments.

Ronan and Adam were leaving tomorrow and Ronan was trying to hold it together. Nervousness about the competition and being alone with Adam for so long fought for dominance in his chest. 

Blue’s eyes danced but she nodded. She knew how Ronan felt about Adam. Honestly, the whole group probably did but only her and Gansey ever brought it up. Gansey had tried to give him some fatherly advice once, about how to woo someone and Ronan thrown out a string of expletives that made Gansey pale. Then Ronan had stormed off and refused to talk to him for a week. Gansey hadn’t said anything about it since.

But Blue loved to bring it up whenever they were alone. She was soaking up this newest development and refused to stop talking about it.

‘So I hear congrats are in order.” She said, as Gansey and Adam sat. “What’s the story? How’d you two love birds  _ finally  _ get together?” Ronan tried to kick her but she moved too fast. 

Adam laughed. “You know Ronan, he showed up outside my window with a boombox and trenchcoat and serenaded me.” 

“You live on the 10th floor.” Ronan mumbled as Blue and Gansey laughed. 

“You big softie.” She said, nudging him. 

“I’m getting another drink.” Ronan said, standing and making his way to the bar. Since Adam had agreed to this stupid plan Ronan had been trying to think of a way out of it. But so far, he had nothing. Adam seemed actually excited about it, which made it worse for Ronan, that Adam wanted to pretend to date. The thought made his stomach twist in knots. 

“You know, we will need a story.” Adam said, appearing at his shoulder as he waited in line. 

“What?” Ronan asked, pulled from his own thoughts as he looked at Adam. Blue eyes stared back, eyes that had seen Ronan at his best and worst. He could melt from the intensity of them, and he knew how they flashed when Adam’s emotions were high- excited or angry, they would change slightly. Ronan knew that just like he knew everything else about Adam, solidly and with a mixture of pride and shame. Proud that they were so close and such good friends, shame that he paid attention to every detail of Adam’s existence. It was well beyond what friends did. And he knew it. 

Adam continued speaking, unaware of Ronan’s inner dialogue. “A story, how we got together, how long we’ve been together. I’m sure they’ll ask us all that.” 

Ronan still hadn’t gotten over the fact that Adam had agreed to this. The actual facts, the details, hadn’t even crossed his mind yet. 

He realized Adam was waiting for a response and nodded. “Tomorrow, on the plane.” 

Adam nodded to, “Tomorrow.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe I confessed how I felt.” Ronan said quietly. “One night, after too many beers.”
> 
> “And then I kissed you.” Adam added, his voice softer. He was staring at their joined hands.
> 
> Ronan swallowed. “Then we started dating the next day.”
> 
> “Works for me.” Adam said, letting Ronan grip his hand tighter as the plane shuddered and took off.

Ronan always forgot how much he hated flying until he was on the plane, waiting for the several hundred thousand pound death trap to take off. Now, he was there, gripping the arm rest and willing himself not to vomit. His closed his eyes and tried to breath then felt a hand cover his. His eyes flung open and he saw Adam, running his thumb over Ronan’s hand. 

“Relax. You’re going to rip the arm off that poor seat.” He joked, smiling at Ronan. 

“I’m fine.” He replied through gritted teeth. 

Adam took Ronan’s hand and threaded their fingers together. Ronan stared down at their conjoined hands then looked at Adam. “We need to practice, right? Looking like a couple?” He said, looking slightly embarrassed.

Ronan could only nod. On the plus side, now he was freaking out about holding Adam’s hand instead of flying. He wasn’t sure it was an improvement. 

“Let’s talk about this relationship.” Adam said. Ronan knew he was trying to take his mind off things but this wasn't really any better. He forced himself to nod again. They needed to talk, to come up with a story to convince everyone they were dating. Ronan wondered, not for the first time, how the hell he had gotten himself into this. 

“How long have we been dating?” Adam asked.

_ Forever _ , Ronan’s traitorous mind answered. “A year?” He asked out loud. 

Adam nodded. “Perfect, long enough to be long term but not so long that we should be living together. How’d we meet?”

“We can still have met in high school. It just took us until a year ago to admit our feelings.” Ronan said, staring down at their hands. He had picked a year for a specific reason. A year ago, last June, he had been planning to tell Adam. He was sick of pining ‘like a sick puppy’ as Blue put it. He had packed them a picnic for the park and had his speech prepared. 

But then Adam had come to his apartment talking about a date he had, and how much he liked this new guy after only one date. Ronan had listened, trying to nod along as his heart shattered. He had dumped the basket and food in the trash an hour later. 

Adam’s new love had only lasted a month but it was enough to convince Ronan that he could never tell him. Adam was dating and falling for other people, there was no room for Ronan. 

Adam was nodding again. “Well, how did we get together then?”

Ronan glanced down at their hands again, liking how Adam’s calloused hand looked in his. Even though Adam worked in an office he still worked on cars on the side. He liked fixing up junkers and selling them. It kept his hands rough and smelling vaguely like oil. Adam hated it, constantly applying lotion to them but Ronan secretly loved it. 

In contrast, Ronan’s hands were covered in burns and knife cuts. Rough for a different reason. He had tried to treat the burns at first but had finally just accepted them, leaving criss cross welts on his hands and forearms, bearing them like the battle scars they were. 

“Maybe I confessed how I felt.” Ronan said quietly. “One night, after too many beers.”

“And then I kissed you.” Adam added, his voice softer. He was staring at their joined hands.

Ronan swallowed. “Then we started dating the next day.”

“Works for me.” Adam said, letting Ronan grip his hand tighter as the plane shuddered and took off. 

\----

They stood in front of the hotel, taking it in. Ronan had to admit that the view was spectacular. The resort was in wine country and right outside the hotel was a vineyard and wine making area. There were signs everywhere for the competition and Ronan could see the open courtyard where they would be meeting the other contestants later, as well as having their first interviews. 

Ronan felt nervousness creeping in, again wondering what he was doing there. This wasn’t his scene, he wasn’t  _ wine country fancy. _ He wasn’t anything fancy. He worked in a small, yet well known restaurant in Boston and loved it. When his boss had mentioned he had entered Ronan in this Ronan had scoffed and thrown flour at him. That was nearly a year ago, and now he was here.

Adam, seeming to sense his nervousness, slipped his hand in Ronan’s again. He insisted that they get used to this, to acting like a couple. It was adding to Ronan’s anxiety, but he did like Adam’s hand in his.

“We’re this way.” Adam said, pulling Ronan down a hallway. Their bags had already been delivered to the room, something that made both of them uncomfortable. Adam slid their card in the door, opening it to a tuscany inspired room, complete with a large sliding door that opened to the vineyard.

And one bed. 

Ronan blinked. He hadn’t thought about that detail. It made sense, the show believed they were together and that meant they only needed one bed. He looked around, hoping for a couch but there was only 2 uncomfortable looking chairs.

Adam seemed to be having similar feelings, he was hanging out some clothes and avoiding looking at the large bed or at Ronan. 

Ronan walked over to the bed, picking up a packet of information that was left on it, explaining the week and what they’d be doing. 

“I can ask about a cot.” Ronan finally said, needing to break the silence. 

Adam turned to him, shaking his head. “That’d be obvious, don’t you think? That we weren’t really together?” He was chewing on his bottom lip, which Ronan knew meant he was nervous. 

Adam had a point but Ronan didn’t like it. He already itched to take Adam’s hand when they watched movies, wanting to slip his hand into Adam’s, threading their fingers together. Even that was enough to make him break out in a cold sweat, how was he supposed to handle sharing a bed with him? Sleeping next to him, limbs touching, waking up next to to him. Ronan swallowed, trying to banish the images. 

“Maybe we can make a pillow wall.” He mumbled, mostly to himself. Adam had shrugged, picking up the packet to read it.  Ronan silently stalked around the room, not sure what to do with himself. 

Luckily, before long it was time for them to go to the welcome dinner. Ronan was waiting at the door for Adam, who was buttoning his shirt. 

“You can’t wear that.” Adam said, shaking his head at Ronan’s outfit. 

He looked down at his tank top and jeans. “Why not? They said they wanted us to stick to our own style.” 

Adam gave him a look that was a mix of pity and annoyance. “You’re trying to make a good impression, remember?” He turned, looking through their small closet at Ronan’s clothes. “Did you bring anything besides tank tops?”

“We’re in California, it’s hot.” Ronan said, sitting on the edge of the bed. He watched as Adam tapped his bottom lip, looking at their clothes. Ronan knew that Adam was trying to be helpful but this felt like another lie. First, they made him bring someone with, now he’s changing clothes for them. He didn’t like it. Ronan hated lying to people, he generally just put himself out there and let people decide. 

But that was part of the problem. He knew how he came off to people, he was well aware of his general ‘fuck off’ appearance. It was a long cultivated look. Once, when Adam was drunk at a party he had told Ronan that he was sharp, made of all right angles and devoid of any soft curves. ‘Someone could cut themselves on you, if they weren’t careful’ he had whispered, his hand curving on Ronan’s jaw. Ronan had left after that, needing some fresh air. He had never forgotten that, or how Adam said it. It wasn’t in a judging or fearful way, it had been closer to impressed, or at least appreciative. 

The point was, Ronan knew that he wasn’t inviting. And he didn’t care. 

He crossed his arms. “Next you’ll tell me that I can’t swear.”

Adam turned to him, holding out a few shirts. “You can’t swear.” 

Ronan looked at the clothes and immediately realized something. “Gansey sent clothes with you.” None of these were Ronan’s, and they weren’t Adam’s either.

“Maybe.” Ronan scowled and Adam sighed. “He wanted to help. And you need it.” He pointed to an outfit. “Try this on.”

Ronan started to argue but didn’t. As much as he hated it Adam was probably right, he needed to make a good first impression. He turned around and changed, shedding his clothes and slipping into the new ones. 

“These pants are fucking uncomfortable.” He said as he turned around. 

Adam walked over, popping the collar on the denim jacket Ronan was in. “That’s much better.” He said, taking a step back and looking him over. Ronan was in a white tank top, black jeans, and a denim jacket. He wasn’t ready for a dinner party but he had to admit that he looked less like he was ready for a bar fight. He was fine with the look. 

What he really liked was how Adam’s eyes lingered on him, slightly longer than they should. He was definitely keeping this outfit.

“Let’s go, we’re already fashionably late.” Adam said, seeming to shake himself out of a stupor. 

Ronan opened the door, sweeping his arm to motion Adam through. “After you  _ babe _ .” 

Adam chuckle and bowed. “Thank you  _ dear _ .”

They walked to the outside area, which was set up with small tables and a larger one in front. People were milling about and Ronan stopped on the edge of grass. He hated events like this, it reminded him of the ones he had gone to as a teen. He had despised them, having to make boring conversation with boring people The topics were always things like a new boat or vacationing in the Alps. Nothing Ronan cared about or could pretend that he did. 

This time he had something in common with the group but still didn’t want to talk to them. It was for a reason he barely wanted to admit to himself but forced himself too as he looked at everyone, laughing with drinks in hand. 

Ronan wanted this. He wanted to win, he wanted to be a famous chef with his own restaurant and cookbooks. He wanted that life. 

He  had never been good at much besides drinking and fighting. Then he found cooking, and he was even better at that. It happened randomly. He had been bored at a party and had mashed together some of the fancy hor d'oeuvres, combining brie with plum sauce and trout over a cracker and daring his younger brother to eat it. To his amazement, Matthew had loved it, asking for another. Since then he had been combining weird flavors, not caring about what the culinary rules were. He just wanted to create stuff that made your taste buds dance. 

Sometimes he failed. His friends were always ready to tell him when something didn’t work. Gansey was the most polite, usually suggesting salt (even if that wasn’t the issue) and Noah would just spit it out into a napkin. 

But Adam, Adam had a surprisingly good palate. He was good at determining what a dish needed. Ronan was impressed and Adam would just shrug, suggesting a spring of thyme or a squeeze of lemon. 

Adam squeezed his hand and Ronan realized they were still standing on the edge. “Come on.” Adam said, “Let’s go meet the competition.”

The next hour went by in a flurry. Ronan accepted glass after glass of wine while they met the others- ranging from fresh out of high school to married with kids. It felt like everyone had started cooking right out of the womb and Ronan tried not to panic. Everyone had pinned down their style, their signature dish, their TV show name. Ronan barely had recipes memorized.

Finally, someone from the show came and tapped his shoulder. “You two are up next for your interview!” She said, grinning at them. He wasn’t sure he was grateful for the change. 

Ronan nodded and leaned on the small cocktail table, trying not to feel queasy. Adam noticed and laid a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll get you some food.”

“Thanks.” Adam walked away and someone else sauntered up. Ronan tried to remember her name- Pat? Pam?- he wasn’t sure.

“You two are cute.” She said, also leaning on his table. “He seems to really care.”

Ronan nodded then looked at her. It was one of the married women, Adam had bonded with her over growing up on hamburger helper and Ronan remembered nothing else about her. He had been too busy watching how Adam’s hands moved as he described the shape of the food (can like).

“He does.” He replied.

She smiled at him knowingly. “You boys think you’ll get married? A cute gay wedding?”

Ronan opened his mouth to tell her that it was just a wedding, not a gay wedding, but Adam reappeared with a plate full of bread before he could. 

“Eat this.” He said, handing the plate to Ronan. He gave her a small smile then turned his attention to the woman, asking about her kids. Ronan was surprised. Adam liked people even less than Ronan but he was so much better at disguising it. While Ronan wanted to glare at everyone until they left him alone Adam regarded them like prey watching a predator, like he was ready to run at any minute. 

But he hid it. Ronan wasn’t sure how but Adam turned his fear into charm. People loved him- men liked that he could talk about cars and fixing things, women wanted to feed him and mend his clothes. It never failed to impress Ronan. 

Ronan ate slowly and half listened to the conversation. Eventually the woman wandered away, wishing them good luck. “What did she want?” Adam asked once she was out of earshot.

“To hear about our big gay wedding.”

Adam choked on his soda and looked at him. “What did you say?” 

“That I’d be in the dress.” Ronan answered with a smirk. Adam laughed heartily at this. 

It wasn’t long before someone came to get them for the interview. They were lead to a small area where someone put make up on the grimacing pair. Ronan tried to skirt away but wasn’t allowed to, making Adam laugh. But Ronan got to laugh as someone coiffed Adam’s hair, much to his chagrin. 

“You boys look great!” The assistant said, ushering to them to the edge of the stage. “Remember, speak slow and smile! You’ll be fantastic.” 

Ronan looked at Adam, he must have looked panicked because Adam laid a hand on him. “You don’t have to smile. Don’t worry. Just, try not to scowl.” 

“No promises.” 

They were waved on stage where a well coiffed woman was waiting for them. Her bright smile made Ronan want to turn around and run but he felt Adam’s firm hand in his, preventing that course of action. 

“Boys! Hello, we’re so happy to have you.” She said, smiling. “I’m Samantha, I’ll be interviewing you through the week. This interview won’t be too long, we just want a taste of who you both are and what we can expect from you!” She was clearly trying to put them at ease but it wasn’t working, Ronan felt frozen, especially as she motioned for the camera to be turned on.

“We’re here with Ronan Lynch and his partner, Adam Parrish who have flown here from Boston. Ronan, tell us why you entered this competition.” She turned to him and all Ronan could see was how stiff her hair looked and how big her eyes were. 

“I, uh, well.” He stammered, licking his lips. “See-” 

“His boss recognized his talent and entered him, it was a surprise for Ronan.” Adam said, jumping in and smiling warmly at the camera and Samantha. “ I won’t repeat exactly what he said but, he was surprised when he found out.” 

Samantha laughed. “Is that true Ronan?” 

“Yes,” He got out, nodding. “I was fucking shocked.”

She laughed again. “We’ll need to edit that out. What have you been doing to prepare for this week?” 

“Cooking. And stuff.” He said dumbly. 

Adam squeezed his arm. “Ronan has been trying out a ton of new dishes and they’re all delicious. Believe me, I’ve been testing them all.” He said. 

“Any favorites?” She asked, leaning in slightly.

Adam nodded. “Ronan mades a chicken dish with coke- the soda- it’s amazing. And his pumpkin whoopie pies.” 

“Oh,” Samantha pursing her lips. “Those sound delicious. I hope we get to try both this week!” 

The interview continued like that, Ronan getting out one or two words and Adam picking up the slack. It felt like hours but Ronan knew it was probably fifteen minutes. Finally, the camera clicked off and they were ushered off stage. 

Ronan took his hand back, wiping off his forehead. “Fuck, that was awful.”

Adam shrugged, “It wasn’t bad.”

“That’s because you’re good at this shit. I’m not.” Ronan dug the heels of the palms into his eyes, trying to forget the bright lights. “How the fuck am I supposed to do this all week?” 

He felt a hand on his shoulder. “It was your first time on camera, you’ll get better.” 

Ronan looked up to see a sympathetic Adam. “Thanks.” He exhaled loudly. “Guess we need to go mingle more, huh?”

Adam shook his head, “We don’t have to. We can go back to the hotel room and see if Chopped is on.” 

Ronan smiled what felt like his first real smile all day. “That sounds fucking awesome.”

“Well then, boyfriend, let’s go.” Adam held his hand out and, after a brief hesitation, Ronan slipped his in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh this took forever, sorry folks! I started another pynch fic but promised to myself I'd update this one first. 
> 
> If you're curious [this](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/292382200794728392/) is what I picture Ronan's outfit as- nice but still him


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Ronan didn’t move Adam put a hand on his hip. “Am I so gross you won’t kiss me? What a terrible boyfriend you are.”
> 
> Ronan knew he was joking but he still rose to defend himself. “It’s not that. You’re not gross.”
> 
> Adam smiled, “Be still my heart, not gross. Just what every boy wants to hear.”

Falling asleep that night was a difficult process for both. Ronan could tell that Adam was trying not to move. He was stiff as a board, barely even breathing. Normally Adam would flop around in bed, taking twenty minutes to get comfortable. Ronan knew from sharing bunk beds with him on many trips. But now he was clearly trying not to move, which stressed them both. 

Not sleeping was the norm for Ronan- some days he wasn’t sure why he took up a whole room with a bed he rarely used- and that night was no exception. Long past when Adam’s breathing evened out he was still wide awake, staring at the ceiling. He decided that this wasn’t doing any good and slipped out of bed, putting on his shoes. He went for a long walk in the vineyard, thinking about the week. 

He wanted to win, partially for the money but more for himself. He wanted to prove that he could measure up to everyone else. He knew he was good at cooking but the stakes were high. People would see him on TV and would remember it. That could make or break his career. It terrified him. 

Ronan was used to being scared of things, though he would never admit it. He had been scared when his mom died, scared when it was suddenly just the three of them with no parents, and he had been scared for years after. But he had swallowed it down, refusing to let it win. He was going to do the same now. 

Part of his fear came from being on camera. He froze under the bright lights and inane questions. He hated being filmed. But he knew that it was something he had to manage, somehow. He would probably always come across as gruff but he couldn’t afford to be mute too.

The rest of the fear wasn’t coming he could tackle at one am. He was scared of what success could mean, even if he wanted it. How his life would change and what it would mean for his life, his friends, Adam. 

He thought about all of this as he walked around. The first task of the competition was later that day. It was a relatively simple one. Cook your signature dish. He had been planning to make pork chops and applesauce, one of the first things he perfected and let his friends try, but after the interview he decided to change it to the cola chicken. He had made it for Adam after a particularly bad break up, knowing Adam’s love for anything cola flavored. He hadn't been sure about it but Adam had eaten three servings before they curled up on his couch and watched old martial arts movies. It had been one of the first times that Ronan wondered if there could ever be more between them as Adam’s head had rested on his shoulder, shaking slightly whenever Ronan laughed. They had shared a blanket and Ronan thought about how much he liked having Adam pressed against him.

But then Adam had started talking about Allison, the ex, and Ronan was reminded that Adam needed him as a friend then, not a pining idiot. He had pushed down his feelings and offered a listening ear. 

Finally feeling tired Ronan walked back to the room, laughing to himself as he saw Adam flung diagonally on the bed. He grabbed his pillow and a spare blanket and sat in the chair, hoping to get a few hours of sleep before the competition. 

 

“Okay contestants! For your first challenge we are asking you to make your signature dish! We’ll be coming around and asking questions as you work so be prepared. You have one hour.” Samantha said, smiling at the rows of contestants. Ronan was trying not to grip his counter too hard, his knuckles were already white and he didn’t need the camera to pick that up. 

“Your time starts...now!” With that everyone started moving and prepping. They had to make their dishes and then present it to celebrity judges. Ronan was making the chicken with glazed carrots as a side. He bent his head down, trying to drown out all the noises around him. Normally he cooked with his music blasting but he couldn’t do that here. They insisted on no headphones or distractions. He hated it, he could hear the others talking to themselves or humming. It was close to his personal hell. 

He was peeling his carrots when the camera swung to him. “Mr. Lynch, what are you preparing?”

“Coke Cola chicken with sweet glazed carrots.” He answered shortly. 

Samantha smiled, looking down at his station. “Now I was told you changed to this at the last minute. Why? What’s the story with this dish?”

Ronan took a deep breath and looked at her, trying to look like he wanted to be talking to her. “It’s for my boyfriend, Adam. I made it one night for him, before we were dating and he said that it was the best thing he’d ever eaten. I wanted to make it for him.” He hadn’t told Adam, hopefully he’d have a believable surprised expression for the camera. 

She gave him a warm smile. It reminded him that she was there to help him, to make him look better in front of the camera. He should try to embrace it. “That’s so sweet- literally! Is that when he fell for you?” 

Ronan laughed, trying to get into the spirit. It sounded fake to him but Samantha seemed to buy it. “I’m not sure when, or why, Adam fell for me. You’d have to ask him.” He said, moving onto butchering his chicken. 

“When did you fall for him?” She asked, watching him intently. He had hoped she’d be leaving but seemed to have no plans to. 

“In high school, senior year chemistry. We were partners and he told me off for being an ass, then lectured me about how I should try harder because I could do better. It was when I realized that he actually cared about me. And I-” Ronan stopped, realizing that what he was saying was the truth. That was when he had fallen for him, having someone who cared enough to tell him off. He had admitted too much. He tried to find Adam but couldn’t see anyone in the audience against the bright lights. 

Samantha seemed to realize that he had stalled. “That’s so sweet, and then it took you years to get together!” She looked to her left. “Well I need to talk to some others, happy cooking!”

“Thanks,” He said but the words felt like ash in his mouth. He couldn’t believe he was that stupid. He was sure that Adam remembered the moment too. It had been a big blow up for them and Adam hadn’t talked to him for a week after. Ronan had apologized by way of sending a two liter of soda and two pizzas to Adam’s apartment with no note. Adam had never said anything about it but they were back to arguing the next day. 

But that had done it, that moment and then the occasional following ones where his life was Adam-less, made him realize how he felt. He had always sorta known but just refused to admit it. This had forced him too. He hadn't been happy about it but he had managed. Ronan was a pro at dealing with things- rarely in a healthy way but he always did it.

“And your time is up! Step away from the dishes!” Roan put his hands up, looking down at his plates. They weren’t the prettiest things he’d ever seen but he knew it tasted good. And it was him in a plate, like they had asked for. 

The food was whisked away to be kept warm until each person was called up. The contestants waited in a line while the judges spoke to them one at a time. Ronan tried to keep himself from fidgeting but it wasn’t working. This was so much worse than last night. He would be talking to celebrity chefs and there was no Adam there to help him.

“Next up we have Ronan Lynch and his signature dish of of Soda Chicken!” He heard polite applause as he was gently pushed on stage. He felt himself sweating against the bright lights as he looked on stage. He recognized all of the judges, all had their own restaurants and TV shows. If someone wasn’t blocking the exit he would have run.

Instead he took a deep breath and walked forward. “Ronan, tell us about your dish,” One of the judges asked. 

“It’s um- it’s-” He paused, taking another breath then started again, reminding himself to calm down. “It’s coke cola chicken with glazed carrots as a side. It’s my boyfriend’s favorite.” Boyfriend rolled off his tongue easier than he expected. “I added some tabasco to the carrots, to tamp down the sweetness.” 

The judges were nodding as he spoke, taking small bites of the food.

“Well, I can see why, it’s delicious.” The first judge spoke, smiling warmly at him. “I was a bit nervous when I heard the description but you pulled it off. The soda made the chicken very moist. It’s very good.” Ronan relaxed a little, pleased. 

The second judge nodded in agreement. “I liked it too, the carrots were a good touch. A good side dish for the chicken.” 

The third judge shook her head “It’s too sweet. I think you tried to sub the soda for something like maple syrup and it didn’t work. Especially since your carrots are sweet. You brought out the sweetness in the carrots and combined with the other flavors, it’s too much.”

Ronan deflated. The judges debated for a bit but he tuned them out, stopping himself from arguing. Finally he was allowed to leave. As he left the stage they caught him for a post interview. “And how are you feeling after that?”

Ronan felt his face working into a glower. He know that he shouldn’t, he needed to play nice for the camera but he wanted to defend himself. “I don't think the dish was too sweet. I added thyme to combat the sweetness and if they can’t-”

He was interrupted as Adam appeared at his side, putting an arm around his waist. “Ronan is very proud of his dishes, especially this one. You’d never guess but he’s a softie, hearing them say they didn’t like his boyfriend’s favorite dish hurt his feelings. It’s one of the reasons I love him.” Adam looked up adoringly at Ronan and his heart started to hammer in his chest. 

“That’s so sweet! How about a quick kiss for the camera? We can use it to cut to a commercial.” 

Ronan flushed and glanced at Adam, who paled slightly. “We’re not much for PDA.” Ronan said, trying to make his voice sound natural.

“Just a quick one?”

Ronan was about to protest again when he felt Adam’s lips brush his cheek. He was sure that he turned an even brighter red. He turned to Adam, about to say something, but the camera person was shooing them along, getting ready for the next person.

The two walked away and Ronan waited until they were alone to speak. “You didn’t have to do that.” He wanted to ask if Adam did it just to get his mind off the judging but Adam seemed nervous. 

Adam glanced back. “I think I did.” He paused. “And I think we’ll have to do it again.” Ronan wanted to ask what he meant but Adam shook his head, directing Ronan back to the hotel room. They were free until dinner that night, several hours away.

“What do you mean, again?” Ronan asked as the door closed. He looked at Adam, who looked strained and nervous.

“We need to practice.” He said, eyes glancing at Ronan.

“Practice?” The word came out strangled and Adam nodded. “We’ll just tell them we’re some weird religion that forbids kissing or something.” 

Adam chuckled. “I don’t think that will work.” He took a step towards Ronan. “We need to practice.” He repeated.

Ronan swallowed. In all the times that he had imagined kissing Adam it was under different circumstances, where they both wanted to not for bullshit practice for some TV show. He didn’t want to kiss Adam like this, where he worried that Adam would feel forced. 

He took a step back. “I don’t want to make you kiss me for a camera. That’s fucked up.”

Adam gave a small shrug, stepping towards him again. “You want to win, this will help with it. It’s what I agreed to.”

“Wow, when you put it like that-” 

Adam chuckled. “Come on, we need to do this.” When Ronan didn’t move Adam put a hand on his hip. “Am I so gross you won’t kiss me? What a terrible boyfriend you are.”

Ronan knew he was joking but he still rose to defend himself. “It’s not that. You’re not gross.”

Adam smiled, “Be still my heart, not gross. Just what every boy wants to hear.” He stepped closer, effectively closing the gap between them. “Come on Casanova, kiss me already.” 

Ronan raised a hand, putting it on Adam’s cheek. His skin was surprisingly soft under his fingers. He let his hand inch to Adam’s ear, the one that he had lost his hearing in years ago. Adam was leaning into his touch, maintaining eye contact with Ronan. 

Ronan licked his lips. “Fine.” 

He leaned in, pressing his lips to Adam. It was a soft kiss, he couldn’t bring himself to do much beyond brush his lips against Adam’s. 

Adam had other ideas. His hands went to the back of Ronan’s head, tugging him deeper into the kiss. Ronan’s heart started pounding in his chest.  His fingers gripped Adam a little tighter, trying to control himself. His eyes were squeezed shut, he was convinced that when he opened them this would be a strange, weird dream.

But then the pressure disappeared from his lips and he had to open his eyes. Adam was staring at him, slightly flush and all Ronan could think was ‘because of me?’ He wanted to ask, he was screaming at his brain to say something, anything but nothing came out. 

“Do we need more practice?” Adam asked and Ronan just nodded, watching as Adam’s lips came closer again, landing perfectly on his. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, nascar is an art.” Ronan said, taking a long drink. “Those crashes are like a fine Caravaggio. Besides, it’s on commercial. I’m allowed to talk on commercials.”
> 
> Adam turned to him with a wry smile, grabbing the bottle and drinking. “You know who Caravaggio is?”
> 
> “‘Course I do.” Ronan said, leaning over to steal the bottle back. “You talked about him all the time. Sad Renaissance men turn you on.”
> 
> “I just assumed you ignored me.” Adam replied, teasing.

Whatever Ronan had thought that kissing Adam would be like it wasn’t this. Adam was a bold kisser, taking control of the situation and Ronan was happy to let him. Especially when he felt Adam’s tongue press against his lips. He parted them, letting Adam slip into his mouth, their tongues starting to dance against each other. Adam’s hands were on the back of Ronan’s head, splayed against it to keep him close. Ronan’s hands found Adam’s hips, gripping them tightly to keep himself grounded in some sort of reality.

Adam backed him against a wall, still kissing him but now their bodies were flush. He could feel Adam’s body heat as their chests pressed together. Ronan was dangerously close to getting hard, especially as he felt Adam’s hips against his own.

He broke the kiss by pushing Adam back slightly, alarmed at what had happened. “I think that’s enough practice.” He said, trying not to look at Adam. His lips were red and bruised, his cheeks red, and all Ronan could think was  _ ‘because of me, I did that _ ’. It took all of his self control not to dive back in but he didn’t. Because this was just practice, maybe practice that had gone to far but he didn’t want to ruin things more by giving in. 

Adam nodded and Ronan tried to read his expression but he couldn’t. After years of living with his father, he had perfected the blank mask. Ronan hated it. Normally Ronan could read Adam well but when he slipped on the mask it was useless to try. Adam put it on when he was trying to protect himself and there was no way to pull him back. He wasn’t sure what to say, he didn’t know how to change the subject when all he could think about was pulling Adam to the bed and continuing their actions. Both moved around the room, not looking at each other. 

Luckily, he was saved by his cell phone ringing. He ran to grab it, seeing that it was Blue. “Hey maggot, what’s up?”

“Everything okay? You never answer your phone.” She actually sounded concerned. 

“Everything is just fine.” He said, glancing at Adam, who suddenly seemed very interested in room service menu. 

“I wanted to hear how the first day was going. I was expecting to get Adam but this is even better.” 

Ronan tore his eyes away from Adam, who was turned away from Ronan, hunched over. It hurt but Ronan couldn’t tell Blue that, or about anything that happened in the last few minutes. Instead he said, “Fine.”

Blue waited but he didn’t say anything more. “Wow, do you want to put Adam on so I can get more than a one word answer?”

“Sure.” Ronan threw the phone at him, hitting Adam in the back. He glared at Ronan and then picked it up, asking Blue how she was. 

Ronan didn’t want to hear this conversation so he disappeared to shower, grabbing another Gansey approved outfit for dinner. When he came out he saw that Adam was still talking to Blue, pacing the room as he did. He stopped when he saw Ronan, giving him a long look before answering Blue’s question. 

Ronan made a note to thank Gansey. Maybe with a pie. 

By the time Adam hung up with Blue they barely had time for him to change before dinner. Neither one of them seemed keen on talking about the kiss and Ronan chalked it up to a one time thing, they got carried away. He could handle that. It made sense, for something like that to happen- closed quarters and pretending to date. Ronan waited outside while Adam changed.  

“You look nice.” Ronan said when Adam came out, trying to break the weird silence. 

He watched as Adam’s shoulders relaxed, some of the tension escaping. “Thanks.” He gave Ronan a quick smile. “You too.” 

He felt things shift back and breathed a sigh of relief as they did. They were still quiet at first but by the time they got to the dinner Ronan had fake tripped Adam twice and they were back to laughing. Ronan was leaning against Adam, enjoying having him close, as they entered the dining space. It was set up for a for a nice dinner. There would be several wines and dishes for each. A chance for the vineyard to show off and the guests to get drunk.

Ronan was a wine person, it was hard not to be when you were a chef, but Adam didn’t care. He couldn’t tell the difference between boxed wine and a 50$ bottle. It was usually something Ronan joked about, how cheap of a date Adam was. But tonight, there were several times in various glasses. As Adam’s were filled he looked at Ronan, alarmed. “Help me.” He mouthed. 

Ronan smirked. He had spent a decent amount of time learning wine pairings and flavors, he liked how food affected wine and vis versa. It was one of the few annoying foodie habits he indulged in. 

Leaning over, he put an arm around Adam and started to tap each of the glasses. “This is a white, it’s for fish and chicken. This is a red, for red meat. Then this one,” He tapped the other white, “Is for cheese.” He pointed to the small plate of appetizers. “Take a bite and then try the wine and take a second one.”

Adam’s eyes flickered from the food to the wine. “Show me.” He said, his voice low. 

Ronan wanted to die. The words went straight to his crotch, reminding Ronan of what happened earlier that day.  He looked at Adam, trying to gauge if he was joking but his face was serious. 

“We’re dating remember? It’s cute.” Adam said, eyes flicking from Ronan to his plate. Ronan wasn’t sure he agreed that it was cute, more like alarmingly hot, but he nodded, grabbing Adam’s fork and a stabbing a small piece of beef with a cilantro sauce on it. He knew there were cameras everywhere. If they looked like a happy couple it meant more photos and more exposure. Adam was right, it was good for him. Another thing he never would have thought of. Again, he was grateful for Adam’s presence.

Adam opened his mouth and Ronan popped the food in, sliding the fork out as Adam’s lips closed around it. He was sure he was going to die, watching Adam chew carefully. They were leaning in close, acting like a couple who were in their own little world, where no one else existed. Adam finally swallowed. “Which wine?” He asked and Ronan pointed to the red one. Adam took a small sip and he tried not to stare as his Adam’s apple bobbed. It was unbelievably sexy. Ronan had never gotten to watch Adam so openly and he found he loved it, all these details he had never noticed. 

“Now I try it again?” Ronan nodded, spearing another piece of meat and feeding it to Adam, who nodded as he chewed. Adam’s had a few freckles along his jawline, Ronan wanted to press his lips to each, to appreciate them in turn. 

“It’s different, richer.” Adam said, smiling and pulling Ronan out of his stupor.

Ronan nodded, “Exactly. The wine changes the flavor.” He had told Adam this before but usually Adam would just shrug and jangle his empty glass in front of Ronan while he cooked. 

“Can we try the cheese?” Adam asked. Ronan glanced down. The cheese was a finger food, each piece on a stupidly fancy cracker. Did Adam mean for him to feed him? A glance at Adam confirmed that yes, that was exactly what he meant. 

“The cameras are on us. It’s good for you, makes you look romantic.” Adam muttered, the tips of his ears turning red. 

Ronan nodded, not trusting his voice. He picked up a cracker with a delicate white cheese on it. Adam opened his mouth and Ronan put the cracker to his mouth, letting Adam’s lips close around his fingers. 

Ronan stifled a groan as Adam’s warm mouth wrapped around his fingers. Adam’s eyes were trained on him and Ronan had to use his free hand to adjust himself. 

He withdrew his fingers, which were now wet, and wiped them on the table cloth. He realized he was biting his lip, nearly drawing blood. Adam chewed and swallowed, never looking away. “I think that’s my favorite yet.” Adam said. 

“Try it with the wine.” Ronan directed. Adam took a long sip and Ronan picked up another cracker, repeating the process. This time Adam’s tongue swiped across his fingers and he let out an embarrassing sound that was between a moan and a whimper. It made Adam smile and Ronan flush.

He wanted to ask Adam about this but suddenly someone appeared at their shoulders. It was Samantha. She leaned between them, talking to both of them. “Cute boys, very cute. But maybe stop eye fucking each other at the dinner table. That’s what your room is for.” She kept a fake grin plastered on her face as she spoke. 

Ronan tried to respond but it only came out as a choking noise. He quickly took one of his wines, finishing it in one gulp. Adam turned to her, shrugging, “You asked us for PDA.”

She laughed. “That’s true. Aren’t you the sharp one. Still, there are kids around. Keep it PG.” She patted their shoulders and disappeared.

Adam looked at Ronan, smiling. “Solved the PDA issue.” 

Ronan could only nod. “Effective.”

Adam nodded, “I thought so.” He finished one of his wines. “I think I like white more.” 

He turned back to his food, finishing the appetizers and thinking. It made sense, for Adam to play up their flirting for the camera. It was a good plan, now they probably wouldn’t be asked to kiss or anything. But it didn’t stop the hurt that curled in Ronan’s stomach. He wanted that to be real so badly. All of this felt so close to something that he could have, but he knew it wasn’t his to have. So he gave Adam a half hearted smile. “Only losers like white.” 

Adam rolled his eyes, drinking his white wine with an exaggerated “yummmmm.”

After that they fell into a conversation with the people across from them but Adam stayed close to him, leaning slightly into him throughout the dinner, his hand covering Ronan’s once or twice as they talked. 

As dinner finished the celebrity chefs appeared, a sure sign that all the cameras were being turned on. “It’s time for rankinggss!” Samantha sang, appearing next to the judges with her characteristic cheerfulness. 

Ronan felt Adam’s hand slip into his. He must had stiffened without realizing it. Adam’s thumb started to brush across the top of his, trying to calm him down. “Relax, two of them loved it, remember?”

Ronan turned to him, remembering what he had said while cooking. He wondered if he should bring up what he said, make a joke about it or something. But Adam was staring ahead, listening to Samantha recap what everyone made and it didn’t feel like the right time. Finally, after several minutes of recaps and jokes, the rankings appeared, starting with 30 and counting down. Ronan held his breath, staring at the screen. With no small amount of relief he saw that he wasn’t in 30th place. Or 20th. At 10 his still hadn't appeared. 

The countdown paused as each of the top 10 was revealed after a brief explanation from a judge as to why they earned that spot. At 8 his name was finally unveiled, his creativity was praised but he was told the sweetness of the overall dish was too much. 

He could finally breathe again. 8th place out of 30. He was happy with that. Adam turned to him, a big smile on his face. “Ronan! You did amazing!” He hugged him and kissed his cheek. Ronan noticed the cameras had swung to him and he tried to give a convincing smile. They quickly turned away as the 7th place person was announced.

Finally, number one was announced, an excited mother of three from South Dakota. She was lead on stage and allowed to say a few words. Then Samantha took by the mic and, after ushering the judges off stage, she turned to the contestants. “Congrats on surviving round one everyone! Tomorrow, we will have a chance for you to work with the person you brought and, of course, show off your skills at the same time!”

Ronan glanced at Adam, who was frowning slightly. Adam hated being in the kitchen. He hadn’t grown up cooking and had never learned to love it as an adult. “I’ll sink your chances.” He said, turning to Ronan. “It’s not too late for a new partner.”

“Sure, I’ll just break up with my adorable boyfriend and find someone who knows the difference between julienned and diced before tomorrow.” Ronan stood, feeling incredibly full after the meal. They had the rest of the night free, which he was grateful for. Though they had been encouraged to stick around and talk again, which he was less grateful for. 

Adam smiled, wiggling his eyebrows. “Adorable huh?” He stood too, following Ronan to bar area which was serving wine. Several couches and comfortable chairs were scattered around, offering people places to sit and relax. 

“Yea, at least until you talk.” He said, surveying the area. Adam hit him in the arm and Ronan turned to him, smiling in what he hoped was a condescending way. “Even your punches are adorable.” 

“Fuck you,” Adam said, smiling back. He linked hands with Ronan and lead him to one of the couches. “How long do you think we need to stay?”

Both sat and Ronan realized with some alarm that he was already used to how Adam pressed against him. He had thrown an unthinking arm around him and Adam had nestled in, pulling his legs up and leaning into him. Ronan loved it. He knew that it was temporary, that this was just for show, but it felt so right to have Adam there, next to him. 

He carefully leaned his head on Adam’s, waiting to see if he stiffened or withdrew, but he didn’t. Instead, it almost seemed like Adam shifted closer. 

“Not long,” Ronan said, watching as more people funneled in. “Less than an hour.”

“Good, there’s a documentary about the Mayans that I wanted to watch.” 

“Nerd.” 

Adam rolled his eyes and hit Ronan lightly on the arm. They stayed that way, chatting with the other contestants and each other for the next hour. Ronan let himself pretend this was real, running his hand along Adam’s arm and enjoying how his soft hair felt against his cheek. He let Adam do that talking, vaguely listening as he talked about food and their fake lives. It felt like this could be real and that made it more dangerous. Because all of this was close to being something that could happen, that Ronan could have.

But, of course, he didn’t and couldn’t. Not actually. 

Adam turned to him, yawning widely. “I think we’re going to hit the hay.” 

The woman he was talking to smiled. “It’s only 8, surely you’re not going to bed?” Then she waggled her finger at them. “Oh I understand, a little risky business.”

Adam gave an uncomfortable laugh and stood. Ronan snatched a mostly full bottle of wine as he followed Adam, giving her a small nod as she laughed. “You boys enjoy your night!” 

“We will.” Ronan called out while Adam grabbed his hand and pulled him along.

“Well she’s definitely going to tell everyone that we’re having sex.” Adam said once they were out of earshot. 

“They think we’re dating, they probably already assumed that.” Ronan mumbled, uncomfortable with the topic. Actually talking to Adam about this was different than laughing with a stranger. 

Adam glanced at him, his expression unreadable and Ronan wished he could shove the words back into his mouth. 

“I guess you’re right.” Adam finally said. 

Once they were back in the room Adam kicked off his shoes and fell onto the bed, unbottoning his shirt. Ronan tried not to watch as Adam peeled his shirt off, leaving him in a white shirt. 

Roan was still standing awkwardly, debating what to do, as Adam turned on the TV and found the show he wanted. He seemed to notice that Ronan was still waiting and patted the bed next to him. “You know you want to watch this.” He said, gesturing to the TV. “Check out those ruins.” 

Ronan huffed out a laugh, pulling off his own shirt and throwing it onto the ground so he was just in his undershirt. “Fine.” He fell next to Adam, feeling normal for the first time since he’d gotten there. This was comfortable terrority for him. Ronan made fun of the show and Adam scoffed and called Ronan a neanderthal, occasionally hitting his shoulder or quipping back. 

“I know you’d rather watch nascar or something but shut up. I want to hear about the artifacts.” Adam said, handing Ronan back the wine bottle. They had grabbed it half an hour ago, taking turns drinking straight from the bottle. 

“Hey, nascar is an art.” Ronan said, taking a long drink. “Those crashes are like a fine Caravaggio. Besides, it’s on commercial. I’m allowed to talk on commercials.”

Adam turned to him with a wry smile, grabbing the bottle and drinking. “You know who Caravaggio is?” 

“‘Course I do.” Ronan said, leaning over to steal the bottle back. “You talked about him all the time. Sad Renaissance men turn you on.” 

“I just assumed you ignored me.” Adam replied, teasing.

“I never ignore you.” Ronan realized a beat too late that his tone wasn’t light and teasing like he had intended. He glanced over, trying to gauge if Adam had noticed. Adam was looking at him with a strange expression. Ronan tried to ignore it, taking another swig of wine.

Then Adam moved, leaning over Ronan and grabbing for the bottle. “Hey!” Ronan cried, falling over and instinctively moving the wine away from Adam.

Adam fell sideways on top of him, still reaching. “Come on, hand it over.” 

Ronan grinned devilishly. “No way Parrish I think you’ve had enough.” With his free hand he poked Adam’s cheek. “You’re all flush. And you’re a sloppy drunk.”

Adam turned, glaring down at Ronan. “What about you?” One of his hands raked Ronan’s chest and he suddenly couldn’t breathe. “Your skin is warm. Maybe you’ve had too much.” As Ronan tried to recover Adam reached for the bottle again, his fingers grazing the bottle. 

“Maybe we’ve both had enough,” He muttered, putting the bottle on his nightstand. 

Adam looked ready to argue but Ronan glanced at the TV. “Your show is back.”

Adam propped himself up on an elbow, looking at the screen while still leaned over Ronan. The act pressed Adam more into his chest and Ronan tried not to groan at the pressure. It brought an image of Adam on top of him, of this pressure on all of Ronan. It also made his dick give a hopeful twitch.

Ronan sprang up. “Bathroom.” He told the surprised Adam. Walking into it he gave himself a few minutes to collect himself. They did this, they teased and wrestled and it was normal. Just because it was in a bed and not his couch didn’t change things. 

When he walked back out Adam had grabbed the wine again, not bothering to pretend to feel guilty. 

“I’m going for a walk.” Ronan said. Adam made an unhappy noise and Ronan looked at him. Adam was looking at him, a slightly sad expression on his face. 

“Don’t.” Was all Adam said. And Ronan was useless to argue. He climbed back on the bed and Adam leaned against him. Adam was asleep before the next commercial break and Ronan couldn’t bring himself to move. He changed the channel, finding an old horror movie. He fell asleep like that, with Adam pressed against him, both partially sitting up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy my art history jokes. I studied it in college and Caravaggio happens to be one of my favorites.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He whipped his head to it but Adam didn’t seem surprised. “I ordered room service.” Adam said, standing, “No one should have to talk to you before you’ve had coffee.”
> 
> “What about you?”
> 
> Adam smirked. “I’m the exception.” He opened the door part way, accepting the tray with a soft thank you. Turning back to Ronan he said, “I got you an omelet. I thought that would make you the happiest to complain about.” He put them down on the coffee table, sitting next to Adam on the couch.

The next morning Ronan woke up because an elbow was jabbing him in the side. He had woken up a few times in the night, each time unable to move because Adam was lying on him and Ronan couldn’t bring himself to wake him.The first time Adam’s leg was draped over him, the second time he was pressed into Ronan, an arm thrown around him. It was hot and uncomfortable but, despite that, it was one of the best night’s sleep he’d had a in long time. 

He glanced down, seeing that Adam was sleeping in the crook of Ronan’s arm, breathing peacefully. Ronan let himself watch him sleep for a minute, admiring how Adam’s eyelashes fluttered as his eyes moved behind his lids and how his lips puffed as he breathed out. It was strange to see Adam so relaxed, he normally held himself so tightly that Ronan was worried he’d strain something but now he was like a different person. The worry lines around his brow and mouth had disappeared and instead he was calm. Ronan wanted to run a finger over Adam’s lips and jawline but stopped himself, knowing that it would be crossing a line. 

Instead he surveyed their position. They were pressed together, Adam’s leg slung over him waist and Ronan’s bicep under his head. He was surprised that they had managed to sleep in the same bed without jabbing each other. Ronan thrashed in his sleep and was pretty sure Adam was a fitful sleeper too. It added to the oddness of the situation- because it didn’t feel weird.  Waking up next to Adam, cuddled close in their king bed, should have been strange but it wasn’t. Instead it felt right and Ronan knew he could easily get used to it. But he couldn’t let that happen. This was only temporary, no matter how much he liked it. 

Ronan started to extract himself, not wanting to there when Adam woke up. He had no idea how Adam would react to their position and he didn’t want to find out. Ronan went to the couch, mindlessly flipping through a magazine. Adam woke up not too long after him, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“How’d you sleep?” Ronan asked, trying not to stare as he stretched and cracked his back, his shirt rising up to reveal a patch of skin on his stomach. Ronan wanted to run a finger over it. 

“Good, my neck is sore though.” Adam said, rubbing it with his hand.  _ Because you slept on my chest _ , Ronan thought, watching his actions.  Adam let his head roll from one side to the other, trying to stretch it out. 

“I’ll rub it for you.” The words left his mouth before Ronan could think about them. He didn’t meant to offer it but he couldn’t take it back, especially as Adam plodded over to him, sitting between his legs. 

“You sure you trust me?” Ronan asked, trying to delay touching him. He focused on the soft curls at the nape of Adam’s neck, wanting to wrap them around his fingers. 

“I’ve seen you frost a cake, I know you have delicate hands when you want.” Adam said, turning to smile at him. “Unless you’re taking it back?” 

“That cake was a secret.” Ronan replied, putting his hands on Adam’s neck and starting to massage. For Adam’s last birthday he had made Adam a cake, knowing that he hated his birthday and preferred to completely ignore it.  Being well aware of Adam’s feeling Ronan made it look like a snowflake. Since his birthday was in July he thought it was fitting as an opposite. He wasn’t a cake artist but he had tried, and it hadn’t turned out half bad. Adam had appreciated the gesture- even more when it was carrot cake, not a normal a birthday cake flavor. They had eaten it together on Ronan’s couch, taking bites off the cake, not bothering with plates. 

“I won’t tell anyone else about your hidden pastry skills, don’t worry.” Adam replied, leaning back into the couch and letting his head fall forward as Ronan massaged. Ronan let his hands roam over Adam’s neck, pressing and working out knots. Adam didn’t speak, the only noises he made were small moans or sighs. Adam’s skin was pale under Ronan’s hands and he was reminded how rarely Adam went outside, always busy working or studying. Ronan would joke that it made him look like a vampire, he was so thin and pale. Adam would roll his eyes and point out that he wasn’t the one who never slept. 

“Jesus Parrish, you’re so tight.” Ronan said, working on a knot on Adam’s lower neck where it met his shoulder while enjoying how soft Adam’s skin was. He must use lotion, Ronan decided, there was no way it was this soft otherwise.

A knock on the door interrupted Ronan’s concentration. He whipped his head to it but Adam didn’t seem surprised. “I ordered room service.” Adam said, standing, “No one should have to talk to you before you’ve had coffee.”

“What about you?” 

Adam smirked. “I’m the exception.” He opened the door part way, accepting the tray with a soft thank you. Turning back to Ronan he said, “I got you an omelet. I thought that would make you the happiest to complain about.” He put them down on the coffee table, sitting next to Adam on the couch. 

Ronan lifted the top off his, examining the omelet. Adam was right, he was critical of how places made omelettes because they were one of the easiest things to make but also the easiest to mess up. They were one of the first things that cooking students learned how to cook and Adam had endured many lectures about poorly made ones. 

“What did you get?” He asked, pouring himself some coffee.

Adam lifted the lid of his, revealing waffles with whipped cream. 

“Sugar.” Ronan said. “You got sugar for breakfast.” 

“Let me have this Lynch. I never order them but since the show is paying for it I figured why not.” It was true. Ronan knew how much Adam liked waffles but usually when they went out for breakfast he ordered something practical like oatmeal or eggs and toast. Something cheap and filling. 

Ronan shrugged and dug into his food, deciding that the eggs were slightly overcooked and the mushrooms were cut too big. 

“Let me have bite of yours.” He said, stabbing at Adam’s plate but Adam snatched it away too quickly. 

“Say please. Damn, who raised you.”

“Wolves.” Ronan said, grinning at him. He waited for Adam to put his plate down so he could strike again but Adam knew his plan and kept the plate far away. “Fine. Please?” 

Adam nodded, spearing some on his fork and holding it up for Ronan. “There’s no cameras,” Ronan said, looking at the fork and dripping whipped cream.

“Practice.” Adam said. When Ronan didn’t move he asked, “Do you want this or not?” gesturing with the fork. 

Ronan gave a small nod and leaned in, letting Adam feed him. The waffles were good, malted and buttery, but what he liked more was how close Adam was and how he didn’t move back as Ronan chewed. Their legs were pressed together and Ronan made the bite last as long as he could.

“Good?” Adam asked as he swallowed.

“They’re okay, not as good as mine.” Ronan said, grabbing his coffee and finishing it.

Adam rolled his eyes. “I feel bad for every guest here who’s having the same conversation with their partner.”

Ignoring how the term ‘partner’ made his stomach clench Ronan grunted. “Well they’re probably all right. You’d think they try harder, knowing they’re feeding chefs.” 

They finished eating and got dressed. The next challenge was in heats and Ronan was in the first one. He’d been trying to guess what it was, only knowing that it was something Adam needed to come for. Hopefully all Adam had to do was eat, they’d be a shoe in for first.

They were the last to arrive and Samantha smiled broadly at them as they found empty seats. “Good, good you’re all here on time!” She said, standing on a small platform and pausing until the cameras started rolling. “We have an extra fun challenge today, I’m very excited about it.” The wider her smile got the more nervous Ronan became. 

As she spoke a curtain behind her was pulled back, revealing the small workstations from yesterday now divided by black curtains. “Today we will be testing not only your skills but your guest’s too! You will both be given headsets to talk and your guest will be handed a mystery dish. They will have to try it and describe it to you and you’ll recreate it for our judges. The winner of each heat will get an advantage in tomorrow’s contest.” She paused, grinning at each of the contestants. “Our fridges are fully stocked with everything you need. You’ll have one hour to complete the dish.”

Ronan glanced at Adam, seeing that his eyes were wide. “You’ll be fine.” Ronan told him, trying to be reassuring.  He saw that Adam was gripping the sides of the chair. He knew how much Adam hated letting people done, and how shaky his kitchen skills were. Those things combined were probably putting him on edge. 

“Told you you should have picked someone else.” Adam murmured. “I’m going to be completely useless.” 

“You won’t be completely useless, just mostly.” The joke fell flat and Adam looked miserable. Ronan didn’t have time to try again, the guests were being lead away and the chefs to their stations where they were equipped with headsets. 

“Good luck chefs! Your time starts now!”

Ronan could hear Adam’s breathing and the sound of a lid being removed. He didn’t speak and Ronan tried not to snap at him. Ronan hated being timed on things, he preferred to do everything on his own timeline, letting things flow as he worked. He was in front of the clock and was watching the seconds tick down, waiting for Adam to speak. He gripped the counter, counting to ten before speaking. 

“Adam, what is it?” Ronan’s voice was harsher than he intended but a minute had passed and he could tell Adam hadn’t moved, much less tasted.

“A fish...and some sort of salad.” His voice was uncertain and Ronan tried not to groan. 

“Going to need a few more details.” He said, trying to keep the edge out of his voice. 

Adam didn’t seem to feel the same. His answer was exasperated. “Well fuck Ronan I don’t know. It’s a white fish with some sort of sauce.” 

“Take a damn bite!” He snapped, unable to stop himself. He knew Adam didn’t like fish but he needed to do this. “Please.” He forced himself to add. He heard a fork and waited another minute. He ground his teeth, trying not to scream. 

Adam finally spoke.“It’s not very fishy.” He could hear chewing. “And it’s flaky? Fuck, I’m not sure.”

“Is the filet thin?” Ronan was trying not to shoot a hundred questions at Adam at once but he needed so many more details. He could narrow it down some but he wanted to be sure he grabbed the right fish. That was the first piece and it was crucial. “Are there bones?”

“No bones.” Another pause. “I guess it’s thin?” Adam sighed. “Ronan I only eat fish sticks, I don’t fucking know.”

“It sounds like halibut.” Ronan said, taking off running and grabbing a filet from the fridge. “Tell me about the sauce.” 

“It’s buttery, and tastes a little like white wine.” He could imagine Adam poking it. “There’s some small green balls? And lemon. And some herbs.”

“You’re doing great. That helps.” Ronan said, grateful that Adam was better with the sauce than the fish and that he was trying. He grabbed all the ingredients and capers, guessing that was the small ball. “How’s the fish done? Fried? Baked? Skillet?” 

He kept firing questions at Adam and Adam answered uncertainty every time. He was sure it wasn’t fried but didn’t know past that. And he couldn’t tell what the herb was, even with Ronan throwing descriptions at him. Ronan was trying not to yell but Adam wasn’t very helpful. With each answer Adam’s voice got tighter and smaller and Ronan could tell that he was trying not to snap and just leave. Ronan decided to cook the fish on the stovetop, cooking the filet in oil and then butter.

“Tell me about the salad,” He said, transferring the fish and deglazing the pan with wine. Over half of his time was already gone. 

“There’s the green things again, and peas. And some weird little leaves… and spinach? Maybe?” Ronan could tell that Adam wasn’t sure at all and that he was starting to hate himself for it. He was trying to reassure him but it was hard, when he was also trying to get details. 

“Is there a dressing?” He asked, running back to the kitchen for the vegetables Adam described. 

“Oil, lemon...something spicy? I don’t fucking know Ronan.” Now Adam’s voice had a bite too. 

“Tell me more about the leaves. Do they taste like anything?”

“They taste like leaves Ronan.” 

Ronan closed his eyes, trying not to groan. “Okay, what to the leaves look like? Are they circles? Are they long? Hearts?” He glanced at the clock. Another five minutes had passed. 

“Ovals?” 

Ronan stared at the wall of produce, trying to guess what it was. He eventually grabbed pea shoots, hoping that was right. As he ran back he tried to glance at the other contestants to see what they had but all he saw was a white fish and green salad.

He threw together the salad, tossing it with the dressing that he improvised and hoped was right. Then he finished his sauce, guessing on the final ingredients for that as well. “How did the plate look?” He asked, checking that everything was done. 

“It’s white?” Adam asked, clearly confused.

Ronan set his jaw. “Was the fish on the salad? Beside it? Was the sauce drizzled?” 

“I don’t- I’m not sure. Shit. I didn’t notice.” 

“That’s fine, I’ll figure it out.” Ronan said, staring at his blank plate. He had only minutes left. He quickly arranged the plate, hoping it was close. If not, there wasn’t much he could do.

“And time!” Samantha shouted. “Hands off the dishes!” 

Ronan saw all the guests walk around the front, each walking to the competitor’s station. “You did great.” Ronan told him but Adam shrugged, wrapping his arms around himself. 

“I fucked up. Why did it have to be fish?” Ronan heard the hate and disgust in his voice and knew that Adam was beating himself up. 

Ronan wanted to respond but Samantha was speaking again. She lifted the lid of a plate and Ronan tried not to groan. Right off the bat he could tell that his dish wasn’t the same. “We have a turbot fillet with a browned butter and caper sauce. On the side is a pea salad with tarragon and pea shoots.” A pit formed in Ronan’s stomach as she explained the dish. They had messed up. A lot. 

“Fuck,” Adam muttered next to him. “I got it all wrong. Shit.” 

“You did fine, halibut is similar.” Ronan told him, watching as the chefs appeared and started making their way down the line. He could practically hear Adam’s thoughts and self loathing. He tried to grab Adam’s hand but he shied away, stepping away. Ronan didn’t want to admit how much it hurt. 

“Tell us what you made.” One of the judges asked Ronan as they approached. 

Tearing his eyes from Adam he explained his dish. He watched as they sampled it, biting back a justification of all his choices. He knew they wouldn’t care.

The judge who hadn’t like his chicken spoke first. “Well, getting the fish wrong is a big problem. Also only having one type of pea is an issue, since the original had three types.” 

“But your dish is delicious,” A second judge piped in. “Even if it’s not what we asked for.” 

“Thank you.” Samantha said, moving the three along. 

Ronan could feel Adam’s self hate radiating off him. He tried to think of something to make him feel better. “Adam, it’s not your fault. Who the fuck can tell different white fishes apart?”

Adam pointed his chin at the next pair, “They can.” Ronan started to say more but Adam just shook his head. “I’m going to go back to the hotel room. I’ll see you for the rankings.” It was a clear dismissal and Ronan didn’t know what to say. When Adam got like this, full of self loathing, there wasn’t much anyone could do to pull him out of it. Normally, Ronan would cook him something and leave it outside his apartment door, his way of letting Adam know he cared and wait until Adam decided to come to him.  Ronan knew that Adam needed to work out the feelings on his own and that pushing him only made it worse. 

As he watched Adam walk away Ronan decided there wasn’t any reason he couldn’t do that now. He waited until the judges finished with the others and then slid up to Samantha, putting on his nicest face. 

“Well hello Ronan, can I help you?” She asked, turning to him with her signature bright smile.

“I need to use one of the kitchens, and some food.” 

She eyed him up. “Boyfriend upset?” Ronan  nodded. She thought for a minute. “I like you Ronan, you have minimal people skills and no desire for bullshit.” He felt himself smirk at her apt description. “So I’ll let you use a kitchen if-” She raise a hand at his excitement. “You let us film it and explain why you’re doing it. And I want to sit with you.” 

He frowned. The last thing he wanted was to cook in front of the camera more but he didn’t have a lot of options and this was for Adam, not him, so he nodded. She clapped, “Excellent. We have an hour until the next group. Go grab supplies and I’ll get a cameraman.” 

She was already hurrying away, not waiting for his response so Ronan went to grab what he needed to make one of Adam’s favorite dishes- a grilled cheese sandwich with potato chips baked in. He grabbed three types of cheese, french bread, mayonnaise and the chips. 

Stephanie was already there with the camera when he came back. “Tell us what you’re making Ronan.” She said, sitting down on a stool across from him.

Not looking up he started talking, still grabbing tools he needed. “I’m making Adam a grilled cheese sandwich, one of his favorite comfort foods.”

“And why are you making it?”

He started grating the cheese and looked at Stephanie, forcing himself to ignore the camera. He could do this. He just needed to talk to Stephanie. “Because Adam’s feeling shitty after the last challenge and I want him to help.” 

She gave him a warm smile. “That’s really sweet of you. Tell us why you’re grating the cheese- and why you have potato chips and mayo for a grilled cheese.”

Ronan explained that grating the cheese let it melt better and that mayo made the bread brown better. As for the chips, that was an Adam thing. He liked having them cooked in the sandwich, letting them get soggy with melted cheese.

“Do you know all of Adam’s favorite foods?” She asked as Ronan spread mayonnaise on four slices of bread and placed two in the warm pan. “Did he tell you them once you became a chef?”

Ronan snorted at the idea of Adam openly telling him that. “No, not exactly. I watched what Adam ordered, or what he picked off his  plate. He never had to say.” Ronan sprinkled on the cheese, then chips, then more cheese, before adding the other piece of bread. 

“Sounds like you’re very in tune with him.” Samantha commented. 

He nodded, turning to grab a plate and adding more chips to it. “I guess.”

Samantha watched him flip the sandwich, revealing perfect golden brown bread. “Tell me more about why you want to make him feel better. 

Ronan pressed the spatula onto the sandwich, thinking for a minute. “He’s hard on himself, too hard, because he’s always expected perfection from himself. When it comes to his friends he let’s so many things slide but he never does it for himself. He’s come really far because of that, never letting up on his self imposed expectations but sometimes they get in the way. Like today, he’s beating himself up over it but he didn’t do anything wrong. Shit, he actually did really well for a non-chef.” He finished quietly, wishing he had told Adam that before he stalked off. He flipped the sandwiches off and onto the plates, handing one to Samantha. 

She smiled at him, “That’s beautiful.” Ronan watched her take a bite, her eyes growing wide. “This is the best grilled cheese I’ve ever had!” 

Ronan smirked, “Remember that when the judging happens.” He picked up the other plate and gave her a quick nod. “Thanks.” She nodded back, pulled the sandwich in half and offering it to the cameraman. 

Ronan left them to it, walking back to their hotel room and knocking on the door. He was positive that Adam could hear it but he didn’t answer. He paused, thinking about what to say. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. You didn’t fuck up.” He cringed. He was shit at pep talks. “You did good, they liked the dish.” Still nothing. “I made you a grilled cheese.” He finished by putting the plate down and stepping back. After waiting another beat he left, not wanting to be the pitiful boyfriend who couldn’t take a hint. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Teach me to cook.”
> 
> “What?” Ronan was sure that he heard Adam wrong. Adam hated being in the kitchen. It made him uncomfortable. He wouldn’t even cut up vegetables for Ronan unless Ronan guilt tripped him.

Ronan wandered around the hotel, eventually planting himself in the work out room, sprawling out on one of the exercise bikes while he watched TV, much to the annoyance of the other patrons. 

Glancing at the clock, he knew he had to go to the rankings. He wasn’t sure if Adam would be there, or if he’d want to talk to Ronan if he was. This whole thing had turned into a potential shit show and Ronan wasn’t sure how to fix it. He hoped that Adam had cooled off after the time alone but couldn’t be sure. 

When he got to the area the first thing he saw was Adam standing off to the side, scanning the crowd. He saw Ronan and beelined for him. That was good at least, Adam wasn’t avoiding him. Ronan stuck his hands in his pocket, uncertain what Adam would say. The other boy looked a little frantic, especially as he dodged several other people in his attempt to make it to Ronan. Ronan didn’t move, amused by the event. 

Adam slowed as he got to Ronan, suddenly looking like he wasn’t sure this was a good idea. He paused as he finally reached Ronan, shifting his weight before saying, “I- hi.” 

“Hey.” 

Both paused, looking at each other. Ronan was trying to think of something nice to say, some encouragement, but Adam spoke first. “I wanted to say- I’m sorry. About earlier.” He hung a hand on his neck, looking at Ronan through his bangs. “I was kinda an ass.”

Ronan’s eyes widened then narrowed. Adam rarely apologized, it wasn’t in his nature. Especially so openly. Usually his apologies came through actions, slipping back into the room after a fight, a meaningful glance. This outright apology surprised him. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Adam continued. “I was mad at myself and took it out on you. I got in my own head, worried that I cost you the competition and thinking about how you should have invited Gansey or Henry. At least they could figure out what pea sprouts looked like.” Adam kicked at some invisible dirt, still not looking at Ronan. This made sense, Adam’s favorite way to deflect was to compare himself to someone else. Ronan hated that that was how Adam measured his self worth, by how well someone else would have done.

“I don’t want them here.” 

Adam’ finally looked up, surprised and Ronan cussed silently, realizing he was dangerously close to admitting more than he intended. “I’m happy you’re here. Henry is a bed hog and Gansey would insist on explaining to everyone why french wines are far superior.”

At his words a ghost of a smile appeared on Adam’s face and he bent his head slightly.  “How do you know Henry is a bed hog?”

“Ski trips.” Ronan said, ready to explain more when Samantha appeared, taking the stage. 

“Take your seats everyone! I have winners to announce and then some news!” Everyone sat, Adam and Ronan in the back. Ronan tried not to notice how close Adam was sitting to him. He was still thinking about Adam’s apology and how weird it was. He could count on one hand how many times he’d hard Adam outright apologize and it was usually only through prompting from Gansey. 

As he thought, Samantha went through the rankings for each heat. Ronan got 6th out of 10th, not great but not awful. The winner for their heat was an excited dad who had brought his kid with as a partner. The two did an adorable, elaborate handshake that made the crowd laugh. Ronan said Samantha’s eyes light up, not doubt thinking about how well that would play out for the camera. 

She went on to announce the other winners and Ronan stopped listening until she cleared her throat, leaning in slightly. “Now for the special news. I have two new and exciting items to share with all of you.”

Adam looked at Ronan, alarmed. He looked back and shrugged, he had no idea what the news could be. 

“First, after the success of this challenge I’m pleased to announce that all other challenges will be completed with partners. We think that our TV audience will respond well to this and it will keep your friends and family from being bored while you have all the fun.”

Ronan didn’t need to look at Adam to know that he had paled and was probably clenching his hands. He reached over, his hands covering Adam’s. He could feel how tightly Adam was holding it. He wanted to whisper something, to tell him to relax but Samantha was moving onto the next piece.

“Second, we love each of you and are thrilled you’re here but we want to get to know people more and that’s easiest with a smaller group. Therefore, starting with this challenge, we’ll be cutting the 5 people who are lowest on the rankings until we’re down to the final ten. Once we’re at the final 10 we’ll switch to single elimination.” 

Ronan felt shocked as a round of angry murmurs went through the crowd. This had been a possibility, discussed in the paperwork they had received, but since no one was cut on the first challenge he had assumed they’d decided not to do it. He stared at Samantha, she still had a broad smile on her face but he got the feeling she didn’t like this either. The game had changed suddenly, now it wasn’t just about winning, it was about doing well enough not to get cut. It would make things a lot more competitive. 

“Those in the bottom five.” Names appeared behind Samantha and he sighed in relief that his wasn’t up there. “Will be moved to a sister hotel for the remainder of the time. We appreciate your effort and ask that you keep it from your families until the end of the week, when we can start the promos.”

Ronan knew that it wasn’t just an ask, they had all signed a statement saying they wouldn’t discuss the winner  until the channel announced it on TV. No matter how upset people were they wouldn’t risk mentioning it. The show would start airing in a few weeks, once the actual competition was completed. 

“That’s all for today. We’ll see all of you bright and early tomorrow!” Samantha smiled, ignoring the questions that were shouted at her as she left the stage. 

People stood, milling about and grumbling to each other. He and Adam didn’t move, both processing what this meant in their own way. For him, it meant no more dumb mistakes, not more making things too sweet or trying to pass something off. It also probably meant that his screen time mattered more, he was sure how they came across on camera was a piece of how they were ranked, he couldn’t afford to be seen as not wanting to be there.

As he thought about all that he saw the winner of their heat talking to another contestant, raising his voice as he passed them. “Well of course they didn’t cut the diversity pick. He’ll be here until the end.” 

Ronan whipped his head around before realizing that the man was talking about him. “I’m white asshole!” He yelled, but the man had already passed. He turned to Adam, “What an idiot.”

Adam was giving him the look he always gave Ronan when he had missed something that Adam found painfully obvious. “What?” He grunted, annoyed.

“Didn’t you notice?”

“Notice what?” 

Adam gestured to Ronan’s hand, which was still covering Adam’s, and then to the others. “We’re the only gay couple here.” 

Ronan looked around, ready to argue, but as he looked at the backs of all the other contestants he realized that Adam was right. He was pretty sure that some of the people who brought their kids or friends were gay but they weren’t here with a partner. 

“So that fucker thinks I’m still here because I like dick?” 

“Not how I would have said it, but yes, I think so.” Adam was watching Ronan, probably expecting him to jump up and fight the other man. 

Ronan wanted to. He would have loved to haul off and punch the other man. And a few years ago he probably would have. But he was older now, and he knew it wouldn’t help- in fact it would probably get him kicked out. So no, his thoughts weren’t about punching the man. They were about winning. He wanted to show that asshole that he was there because he could cook, and not because of who he brought with. He knew he could do it too. He could be the dark horse who came from the back and ended up winning. It was Ronan’s specialty. He said as much to Adam, who visibly relaxed once he realized he didn’t need to hold Ronan back. 

“Half of you will be gone by Weds night.” Adam commented. 

Ronan did the math. It was already down to 25 and another 10 would leave over the next two days. “Fuck.” Hearing that out loud stressed him out, knowing that he needed to up his game and fast. 

They were the last ones in the space. Dinner was hours away and they were still sitting there. Ronan was trying to think of something to say to Adam, knowing that he was taking this worse than him. Adam had been silent for the last few minutes, obviously thinking hard. Ronan could practically hear the gears turning. He tried to think of something to say, some uplifting speech but then Adam spoke.

“Teach me to cook.” 

“What?” Ronan was sure that he heard Adam wrong. Adam hated being in the kitchen. It made him uncomfortable. He wouldn’t even cut up vegetables for Ronan unless Ronan guilt tripped him.

“I don’t want you to lose because of me. Teach me something.” 

Ronan opened his mouth to make a joke, maybe comment that Adam only wanted Ronan to lose because of himself, but he saw how serious Adam looked, a touch of desperation in his eyes. So Ronan nodded. “What do you want to learn?”

“Anything. Whatever you think will help you win.”

Ronan wanted to tell Adam that it was okay, that he didn’t need to do this but he could see that Adam was determined. And it wouldn’t hurt for Adam to learn something. 

He nodded and stood. “Let’s go, we’ll start with those terrible knife skills.” 

“I was thinking a recipe or something.” Adam grumbled, following Ronan. “I can cut things just fine.” 

Ronan scoffed. “Every time you cut something I’m worried you’re going to lose a finger.” 

“I’m not that bad.” They reached the set, which thankfully still had all the items set up. 

Ronan grabbed a set of knives, laying them out in from of Adam. “The Chef’s Knife,Utility Knife, Santoku Knife, Boning Knife, Bread Knife, Cleaver, Paring Knife, Steak Knife, Nakiri Bocho, Fillet Knife **.”** He pointed to each as he named them and Adam nodded along.  “We’ll use this one to cut some vegetables.” He said, handing the Nakiri Bocho knife to Adam. He left to grab some carrots and potatoes. “Watch.” Chopping slowly he showed Adam how to cut the vegetables, explaining that Adam needed to curl his fingers and make the pieces the same size. 

“You try.” He said, handing the knife to Adam.

Adam grabbed the knife and Ronan immediately tensed as he gripped the carrot and ignored everything that Ronan had just said.  “Adam, seriously, do you want to go to the ER? You’re going to end up chopping off the top of your finger.”

“Not all of us went to school for this asshole.” Adam muttered.

“Here.” Ronan moved behind Adam, pressing against him. “I’ll show you.” He positioned his hand over Adam’s, showing him how to curl his fingers. Then put his other hand over Adam’s knife hand. “Loosen up, fuck man you’re going to break the handle with that grip.” He said, shaking Adam’s hand a little. 

“Kitchens are dangerous Ronan.” 

“Kitchens are fun.” Ronan said, leaning into Adam more, reminding himself that this was okay, they were fake boyfriends. Adam didn’t stiffen as he did, instead he seemed to relax against Ronan. He guided Adam’s hands as he cut, explaining again what Adam needed to do. Adam seemed to listen, his hands relaxing and getting more natural. Ronan let his hands slip off Adam’s and he kept cutting, looser and more relaxed. 

With some disappointment, he stepped back, leaving to gathering other ingredients. Adam watched as Ronan deposited potatoes and a steak in front of him, with some other ingredients. “Are you making dinner?”

“We’re making dinner.” Ronan said. “Mashed potatoes, carrots and steak.” He picked up some of Adam’s carrots. “That’s probably enough, nice job.”

“Really?” Adam asked, looking at his small pile. 

“Would I lie to you?” Ronan asked, handing Adam a potato peeler. “Peel and cut these.” He watched and again had to grab Adam’s wrist, stopping him. “Kitchens aren’t dangerous but you are. Always peel and cut away from yourself.” Adam nodded and Ronan watched as he started again, pushing the peeler away this time. Ronan realized that maybe it was a good thing Adam never learned to cook. He wasn’t sure he could have handled all the ER trips. 

As Adam cut Ronan got other elements ready. When he finished Ronan slid the steak over. “We need to season it.” He handed Adam the salt and pepper. “Sprinkle from high up.”

Adam frowned at him. “Why?”

“It makes it taste better.” 

“Does it actually? Because that doesn’t make sense.” 

Ronan gave an exaggerated sigh and rolled his eyes. “Who went to school for this?” 

Adam threw his hands up. “Fine, fine.” He took a pinch of salt from the bowl and held it comically high, well above his head, and sprinkled it onto the meat. Some landed on his face and he sputtered. Ronan just laughed.

“That's what you get.” Ronan said, reaching over to wipe off Adam’s shirt, the salt falling to the floor. “You displeased the cooking gods.”

“They started it,” Adam said, looking down ruefully at the salt before trying again, from a more reasonable height. 

Ronan added the potatoes and turned the water on, adding a bit more salt as he did. Then he explained how they’d be making mashed potatoes- adding equal parts butter and milk into a saucepan and reducing them. Heart attack in a bowl was what his teacher had called them. Ronan agreed, but they did taste amazing. 

“It’s so much easier to make them from a box.” Adam said, watching the water start to boil. Ronan started another pot with the butter and milk and a third pan with just butter. 

“Bite your fucking tongue.” Ronan said, shaking his head. “You’re supposed to be my boyfriend, at least pretend to appreciate cooking.”

“I do,” Adam watched as Ronan turned on the grill, getting it hot for the steaks. “I just don’t always get it, it seems like so much work for not a lot of payout.”

Ronan paused, trying to figure out how to explain it. “You know how to like to work on your car? Instead of letting someone else do it, even though it’d be so much easier than you renting out space and dragging all your tools down there?” Adam nodded, rolling his eyes a bit. 

“Cooking is like that. It’s better because you did it. You know you cut up the vegetables and made a dish from something that started as only ingredients. It’s a point of pride.” The grill was hot enough so he added the steaks, enjoying the sizzle. “And it fucking tastes better than that flaked potato bullshit you eat.” One Ronan had tried to throw out Adam’s food, all the processed shit he ate, restocking it with real food but the next time he was over it was all back. Part of him thought that Adam had fished it from the trash. It didn’t seem completely impossible. 

Adam laughed, nodding. “Ok, ok, I see your point. I still think it’s a lot of work though.” 

“I’ll take my win. Now, add the carrots to that pan and some maple syrup.” 

“How much?” Adam asked, scraping the carrots into the pan. 

“Enough.” 

He heard Adam sigh but didn’t turn around, he was flipping the steak, checking to see if it had the grill marks he wanted. 

Turning back he watched as Adam added maybe a teaspoon of maple syrup to the pan. “More than that man, we want to taste it.” He walked over and tipped the container as Adam held it, adding another few tablespoons into the pan.

“I wasn’t- okay then.”

Ronan surveyed their food, making sure everything was cooking correctly. “Now we do a sauce.” He grabbed more ingredients, shouting back to Adam as he did. “We’ll make a Béarnaise . Looks fancy as fuck but it’s simple.” He added another pan to the stove top and melted more butter as he cut up a shallot.

Adam watch him, appalled. “How are you not 400 lbs? With all this butter?” 

“I don’t normally eat everything I make, restaurant remember?” Ronan said, adding the shallot to the pan. “Now stir the carrots and the sauce.” 

“I think you like ordering me around.” Adam commented as he started to stir. 

“I really do.” Ronan added the other ingredients to the sauce as he speared a potato. Blowing on it he offered it to Adam. “Are these done?” 

Adam carefully bit into the potato, hissing as he chewed. “Done?” Ronan asked.

“Hot.” 

“Hot but done?” He asked impatiently. 

“Yes, you burned my tongue with that tasting. I hope you’re happy.” 

Ronan turned the heat off, grabbing the potatoes. “Want me to get you an ice cube to suck on? You poor baby.” He drained the potatoes then grabbed a ricer, explaining to Adam how to use it. 

Adam started ricing the potatoes, Ronan keeping an eye on him as he finished the other elements. “We’re going to finish your half of the steak in the oven, so it’s cooked enough for your terrible palate.” Adam liked his steaks well done, bordering on burnt. No matter what Ronan couldn’t get him to eat it if there was any blood. 

They finished everything, Adam only complaining a little about the hecticness of all the dishes as they wrapped it up. 

“The best part is not doing the dishes.” Ronan said as he added their sauce to the steaks. The hotel insisted on doing all the dishes, leaving them containers to put the dishes in. “Alright here, enjoy the first meal you’ve cooked that didn’t come from a can.” The two went to a picnic table and Ronan watched as Adam took his first bites. “Well?”

“Fine, it’s better than boxed mashed potatoes and a hot pocket.”

“Be still my beating heart. Don’t overwhelm me with praise here Parrish.” Ronan dug in, trying the carrots first. “We could have added more maple syrup.” 

“You’re never happy are you?” 

“Not when it could be better.” Ronan said, continuing to taste the elements. He noticed that Adam was watching him, not eating his own plate. “What?”

“Thanks. For this,” He waved at their plates. “And for the sandwich earlier. And for inviting me, I guess. All of it.” 

“Don’t get soft on me now Parrish.”

Adam rolled his eyes, smiling at Ronan. “Fine. But still, thanks.”

“Whatever.” Ronan said, but he was smiling too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I love this chap? No, no I don't. But I wanted to finish it. I hope everyone else enjoys it!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both of them watched each other. Ronan was trying to think of a casual way to start the conversation. Something more than ‘I like your lips’ but less than ‘I’ve memorized all the lines on your hands and the shape of your fingers. I could draw them in my sleep but I’ll never be able to replicate how they feel against my skin’. Ronan wasn’t good at finding a middle ground and neither of those fully explained how he felt.

The following day the 25 remaining contestants and their guests lined up. The air felt different to Ronan, it was decidedly more tense. The casual conversation was replaced with worried glances. It seemed liked everyone was wondering who would be there after today. He didn’t remember the name of anyone who had been cut but could remember their faces.  It made him uneasy. 

His unhappiness must have been evident because Adam slipped a hand into his, giving it a quick squeeze. The warmth of Adam’s hand centered him some, helping him focus on what Samantha was saying.  But it also distracted him, making him want to focus on how their connected hands felt, how Adam’s skin felt against his. Like everything with Adam this was a dichotomy and Ronan’s brain couldn’t decide which to make the focal point. 

“Hello my wonderful group!” Samantha said, walking on to the stage in front of them. She ignored the strange notes in the air, though, Ronan reasoned, it was her job to keep things moving and interesting. She wasn’t paid to sympathize with them. “Today we’ll be measuring a different set of skills- creativity, writing and acting.” She paused for emphasis and no one reacted. “You’ll be filming a commercial for one of our sponsors! Each team will be given a product and a scenario to film it in. You’ll be working with a professional cameraman for this challenge.” At this, 25 cameramen came out from behind a curtain, all holding cameras and looking even less excited than the contestants. 

“You’ll have one hour to brainstorm and two hours to film. We’ll watch all the commercials over dinner!” She smiled at them, no one smiled back. Ronan knew that, logically, he should be trying harder. The cameras were always on and they didn’t want someone who was sulking but he couldn’t convince himself to try. He was going to be on camera again, with it fully focused on him and Adam. 

“Can the winners from the last competition come on stage?” She asked and the winners walked on stage. “You’ll be picking the scenario and product for everyone in your group!” Her voice had a slight forced cheer and Ronan wondered how she felt about having fewer people to orate in front of. 

Ronan cringed. This was going to be bad, he could feel it. The winner from his heat had every incentive to make things hard for them and easy for himself. He watched as the scenarios and products were matched up ( _ Oreos and a school dance! Spaghettios and Christmas! _ ) and felt a frown deepen on his face for each one, him apprehension growing. 

Finally his name was up. He tried not to glare as the winner of his heat looked from him to the remaining options and slowly pointed. 

Date Night.

Starfish Tuna.

“Fuck.” Adam whispered under his breath.

They were the last team called and Samantha swept to the stage again, her perfectly manicured nails grabbing the microphone again.  “Good luck teams! There are products and props on the table.” She leaned in slightly and added dramatically, “Don’t forget, five of you will be eliminated after this.” Ronan huffed, as if any of them could forget.  “So be sure to bring your best ideas! Your hour to brainstorm begins now!” 

At this everyone moved, finding spots at nearby tables that held pens and paper. 

“Any ideas?” Adam asked as they sat. 

Ronan shook his head, staring miserably at the cans of tuna they’d grabbed. “I hate tuna.” He said, picking up a can and turning it in his hand. Part of him was hoping it would combust and then they’d get a new product. It wasn’t just that tuna was a low quality product, it was that it was impossible to modernize or integrate into things. It would always taste like tuna. He knew then that Jack, the winner of his heat and the man who rewarded him with the tuna, hated him. They’d gotten the worst product with an impossible scenario to incorporate it into. 

“Glaring at it won’t help.” Adam said, absentmindedly biting one of the pencils as he looked at the cans.

“Prove it.” 

Adam sighed, looking at Ronan and Ronan stared back, unwilling to see the bright side of this. Finally Adam said, “If I can cook a steak meal you can think of an idea for this.” Ronan wanted to argue that the two were totally different, one was a manner of training and the other was impossible.

Adam tapped the pencil against his lip. “Date night and tuna, date night and tuna. What if someone gets stood up and eats tuna after to feel better?”

Ronan shook his head. “We can’t portray this as a sad single food, they’d hate it.”

“Well you think of something then.” Adam replied, a little testy. Ronan knew he was being difficult and didn’t care. 

“What if they eat tuna and then break up because no one likes tuna breath.” 

Adam hit his shoulder. “How is that better than mine?” 

“It’s not but at least it’s accurate.” 

Adam chuckled in agreement and starting listing off other ideas, each more ridiculous than the last. None were good but they made Ronan laugh, helping to pull him out of the ring of self pity he put himself in. 

“They eat tuna and then they fuck.” Adam suggested twenty minutes later. “We’ll display the tuna in front of their bare asses.” 

Ronan snorted. “Tuna as sexy appetizer? Sure.” He was still holding the can, now actually trying to help. 

Then he had an idea. A real one. He explained it to Adam, who nodded. 

“That’s actually pretty good.” 

“You don’t have to sound so shocked.” Ronan said as he took the notebook. Adam had drawn some sad looking tuna trapped in nets so he flipped to a new page. “Now we need a script.”

Soon they had a script, props and a cameraman who was helping them set the scene. They were in a makeshift dorm room, sitting on bean bag chairs, tuna spread out on the crackers and several cans on display for maximum logo viewing. Ronan wasn’t thrilled about being forced to act in a commercial but he knew he needed to try. It was their third take and each one was worse than the last. 

“Sorry the plans for tonight didn’t work out babe.” Adam said, leaning in next to Ronan and smiling at him. “But at least you had this tuna.”

“This is better anyway.” Ronan replied, trying to make his voice softer as he looked at Adam. “More romantic.” 

Adam shook his head. “Try that again without scowling.”

“These lines suck.”

“You wrote them.” Adam reminded him. 

Ronan’s scowl deepened but he tried again. “It’s more romantic like this.” The words sounded false and he knew his voice was full of disdain. He had fumbled the first few shots, still scared stiff when the camera started rolling. At least now he was speaking and not just staring at his hand, where he had clumsily written his lines. 

“Here.” Adam scooted his bean bag closer, and leaning against Ronan, one of his shoulders flush with Ronan’s back.  If the gesture was meant to calm Ronan down it failed. His heart started pounding and he forced himself to listen to Adam’s next words. “You have to pretend this is all real Ronan. Remember? Acting.” He said. Ronan nodded, thinking beyond the commercial to their week. More acting. More pretending that Adam was his. This was something familiar at least. 

He raised a hand to Adam’s cheek, cupping it gently. Adam leaned into the touch, smiling slightly. “I like this better,” Ronan said, forcing himself to look at Adam and not at the camera. “It’s more intimate.”

“Me too.” Adam agreed quietly, his eyes trained on Ronan. “I’m glad the restaurant lost our reservations.”

“Fuck ‘em.” Ronan replied, going further off script. “We’ve got star kissed tuna and crackers.” He gestured vaguely to the plate in front of him. 

Adam was supposed to pick one up and fake feed it to Ronan. But instead he leaned in more, until their lips were nearly touching. “Much better.” Ronan forgot about the camera and everything else, too wrapped in Adam to think about anything else. Then, suddenly, Adam’s eyes shut as he closed the distance, kissing Ronan. Ronan’s eyes fluttered shut too, leaning eagerly into the kiss. His fingers curled on Adam’s cheek, holding him close. 

He wasn’t sure how long they kissed for. He was too lost in how Adam’s lips felt against his, how soft Adam’s skin was under his fingertips. 

Eventually the cameraman coughed and the two pulled back. The world came back but all Ronan could see was Adam. His lips were red and his eyes were slightly dazed. It took everything for Ronan not to plunge back in. 

“Do you boys want a minute?” The cameraman asked and Ronan nodded dumbly. The man slipped away and Ronan wondered if this time they were going to talk. Maybe Adam would tell him he hated this, pretending to be dating. Maybe Ronan would finally find his voice. Maybe Ronan should just kiss him again. The maybes overwhelmed him, making any words he wanted to say stick in his throat. 

Both of them watched each other. Ronan was trying to think of a casual way to start the conversation. Something more than ‘I like your lips’ but less than ‘I’ve memorized all the lines on your hands and the shape of your fingers. I could draw them in my sleep but I’ll never be able to replicate how they feel against my skin’. Ronan wasn’t good at finding a middle ground and neither of those fully explained how he felt. 

In the end Ronan didn’t get out either of those. He didn’t get out anything. Adam kept watching him, his eyes expectant, asking  _ ‘well _ ?’ But Ronan didn’t have an answer. He didn’t have anything to say to the unasked question of ‘ _ what now? _ ’ He was trying but it was hard to sum up years of emotions into a few sentences. 

Before he could speak the cameraman had returned and the two of them turned to look at him, both reacting as if they had been interrupted in the middle of something far more scandalous than not speaking.

“How’d you two get together?” The man asked, moving back to the camera. He seemed unfazed by the kissing. He was the only one. 

Ronan opened his mouth to give the lie they’d concocted but Adam spoke first. “I had liked Ronan for a long time. Since high school. We moved to New York after graduation, roomed together for a while.” Adam had grabbed his hand, running a thumb over the space between his thumb and pointer finger. He didn’t look at Ronan. “We grew up, got our own apartments, still in the same building. I didn’t want to move too far from him. But still nothing happened we stayed friends.” Now Adam glanced at him, swallowing quietly.  His voice was strained, like he was confessing something deep and true. 

“Then what?” The cameraman asked when both boys were quiet. Ronan nodded in agreement, also needing to hear how this ended.

“I quit my job. It was a long time coming but I had planned to have something else lined up, another job ready. But I hated that place and one day it bubbled over. So I went to my boss’ office and quit.”

Ronan remembered that day. He had been trying to get Adam to quit for weeks but he refused, saying he needed something else first. He hated how unhappy Adam was, how soul sucking that place was. He had been shocked when Adam told him that he’d actually done it. Adam was always that cautious type, no matter how miserable it made him. 

“It felt so good in the moment.” Adam continued. “But then I freaked out. I went to Ronan’s apartment babbling about bills and loans and freaking out about how I was going to pay my rent. I told him that I was going to go back and beg for my job back. But Ronan wouldn’t let me.” Adam glanced at him again. 

Ronan nodded. He remembered grabbing Adam’s hands and refusing to let him. He’d held Adam as he cried, the stress of what he did hitting him. Ronan had been so proud of him for putting his happiness first and he’d expressed it the only way he knew how. Through food, trying to explain how amazing he found Adam without being forced to use words.

“He made me dinner, homemade pizza, one of my favorites. And put on my favorite documentary. It’s nearly 8 hours long. And we watched all of it that night.” Adam paused. “It was like he knew what I needed before I even did.” 

“After all that, when the documentary ended at 2am and we were cleaning up, I just- I kissed him. Pushed him against his counter and kissed him. What else could I do? I was so overwhelmed by what he had done for me.” Adam laughed, sounding slightly off balance. “We stayed up even later and talked, finally admitting how we felt, and for how long. We’ve been together since.” 

Ronan was feeling pretty overwhelmed too. All this had happened, up until the kiss. He glanced at Adam, wondering for the first time if maybe this wasn’t as one sided as he thought.

But Adam didn’t look at him, he was answering a question Ronan had missed. Then the cameraman asked if they wanted another run through. 

They did two more takes, Ronan not really paying attention. He read his lines, hopefully better than before, he wasn’t sure. He wanted to talk to Adam. It felt like it was finally time to do something more than steal sideways looks at him.

“I’ll edit this and have it done for the competition. Good luck boys.” The cameraman said, indicating they could leave. They were free until dinner, still several hours away.

“I think that went well.” Adam said as they returned the props. Ronan saw many other competitors lounging around. They must have been nearly the last to finish. 

Ronan grabbed Adam’s wrist, his thumb pressed to the tender skin inside. He made himself focus on that and not on the confused look Adam gave him. “What you said- earlier- about that night?” It was hard to form words, they felt like pebbles in his mouth. It was stupid and Ronan hated it. His gruff exterior was ruined by the way Adam’s heart beat under his thumb.

Adam’s eyes sought his for a minute and Ronan watched as he debated his next words. Then he exhaled then grinned. “It was good huh? Mixing what really happened that night with a lie? Better than the other story we came up with.” Adam’s smile didn’t quit reach his eyes and Ronan knew that there was something else there. 

He tried to ask, to maybe make Adam talk to him, but another contestant was calling to them, asking how the commercial went, and Adam broke free of his grip and went over to them, leaving Ronan standing alone, his hand still outstretched. 

 

“We’ll be down to twenty after this.” Someone- Carrie?- whispered to Ronan at dinner. He was even less inclined to learn their names now. 

“Thanks for the math lesson.” Ronan said, stabbing his salad. The afternoon had been strange. Adam had been on a personal warpath to talk to everyone and see how their commercials had gone. Then they’d gone back to their room where Ronan put on another Gansey approved outfit and finally they were here. Ronan knew Adam was avoiding him in the most Adam way possible. He wasn’t ignoring Ronan, in fact he’d grabbed Ronan’s hand as someone told a sweet story about meeting their wife, but he wouldn’t quite look at Ronan and certainly wouldn’t talk to him about what they told the cameraman. Ronan knew that talking to him would only result in being pushed away. He wasn't sure if Adam was uncomfortable because of what Ronan had asked or if he felt like he had shared too much. Either way, there was nothing Ronan could do until Adam decided he wanted to talk, as much as he hated it. 

“Let’s watch some commercials!” Samantha exclaimed as the main course was served. Ronan swigged the rest of his wine as the first one started to roll. The judges sat up front, muttering to each other between the commercials, each marking things on a small sheet. 

Ronan could quickly see that some were better than others. Some people had tried for funny and failed miserably. A few had the audience laughing along with them. Ronan’s group was last. He watched himself and Adam up on the big screen. It had been cut well, he owed a lot to the cameraman. His acting was still stiff but it wasn’t the worst that had been on display that night. He choked on his water when they kissed, pissed that it had been left in but, as he watched, he had to admit that it added something. Their kiss was sweet, both wrapped in each other. As they kissed the starfish logo went up on screen along with their tagline- ‘Starfish: Perfect for a night in.’ Ronan had argued for ‘Starfish, more romantic than cat food’ but Adam had turned him down. 

As the next commercial aired he breathed a sigh of relief. They weren’t the best but they were far from the worst. The final few aired and Samantha told them that the results would be announced after dessert. 

“Great job you two! That kiss really sealed it!” The woman across from them said, grinning at them. 

Ronan muttered a thanks and Adam gave her a weak smile. Seeing them kiss on a 20 foot tall screen seemed to have affected him too. 

Dessert lasted longer than anyone wanted and finally Samantha took the stage again, delivering a long speech about how sad she was to see anyone go and how she’d love to keep everyone. No one seemed to be listening until the screen went dark and she announced the teams that would be leaving. Ronan exhaled. His name wasn’t up there. They made it through to another challenge.

Adam momentarily forgot whatever mood he was in and turned to Ronan, smiling. “Good job.”

Ronan returned the smile. “You too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow hi sorry this update took so long but on the plus side I figured out the remaining chapters! So!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Samantha took the stage soon, in a bright pink pantsuit and, after her usual preamble about how excited she was, outline what they’d be doing that morning. The task was to cook with a food they hated. As she read the rules Ronan felt himself scowling. He remembered that they had had to list hated foods when he filled out the forms for the competition but had no idea what he’d put. He hoped it wasn’t something like puffer fish or durian. As he tried to remember what he had listed Samantha read the rules. They had an hour, their partner would be the sous chef, they’d be given two ingredients they hated to incorporate in the dish.
> 
> “What did you send in?” Adam whispered. “Compassion and civility?”
> 
> “Fuck you.”

The next morning Ronan woke up with Adam curled against him, his head on Ronan’s chest and an arm around Ronan. It was stupidly domestic and Ronan hated it.  Instead of waiting for Adam to get up he stood, not caring about if Adam woke up. He felt like he wanted to jump out of his skin, he was so tense from yesterday. He couldn’t keep doing this, kissing Adam and not fucking talking about it. He didn’t know how Adam could stand it. Between the two of them they were masters at sweeping things under the rug, pretending that everything was fine when it wasn’t, but with this Ronan was having a harder time. 

He took a long shower, trying to figure out what to do. He was starting to wonder what things would be like after this, when they were back home and back to being just friends. How was he supposed to go back to watching shitty documentaries on his couch when he knew how Adam’s lips felt against his? How was he going to make him dinner and not think about waking up next to him? This whole plan had been a insane from the beginning, Ronan couldn’t forget how right everything felt this week and he didn’t want to. 

He leaned against the shower wall, letting the water roll of his shoulders and trying to think of to do. He considered all the options from dropping out of the competition and moving to some far away country to sitting Adam down and telling him how he felt. Both felt equally impossible and he groaned to himself, thinking how stupid all of this was. 

By the time he left the shower he still hadn’t decided what to do, though moving to Chile was starting to sound like a good option. He toweled off, realizing that he may need outside help. It was time to call the maggot. It was a last resort but she may know what to do. Ronan rarely liked Blue’s advice but she was always blunt and usually, annoyingly, right about things- though he would never tell her that. 

Adam was still asleep when he emerged from the bathroom. Grabbing his phone he made his way outside, calling Blue. 

“Who died?” She asked when she picked up. Ronan could tell that she was talking around a spoon, probably eating her first yogurt of the day.

“Maybe I missed your dulcet tones.” He growled, frowning against the bright sunrise. Not for the first time he thought about how this place demanded grand romantic gestures. It wasn’t a surprise that he and Adam kept making out, they were surrounded by free wine and gorgeous landscapes. The whole thing screamed romance and sex. He hated it. 

She snorted then waited for him to continue. He heard the scraping of spoon against plastic. He tried to wait her out, to make her guess it but she won, he needed to talk to someone. 

“It’s Adam.” He finally said, kicking at the grass with his bare feet. 

He could almost hear her eye roll. “I know it’s Adam. What that hell else would it be? It’s been Adam for years.” He grunted in reply and she continued, a bit kinder. “What happened now?” 

He explained what had been happening and Adam’s reluctance to talk. When he finished she sighed. “Why are all my friends gay idiots?” Ronan opened his mouth to argue but she was still talking. “He likes you. He feels the same. He has the same fears. Fucking talk to him.” She said it with a tone of finality. 

He was about to explain why that was impossible when Adam came outside, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Hey.” He saw Ronan holding the phone and frowned. “Did someone die?”

Blue must have heard because she barked out a laugh and Ronan frowned. “I fucking hate you both.” He said, hanging up on Blue and turning to look at Adam. He looked adorable in his pajamas. For a second Ronan thought about pulling him close and just holding him, letting Adam wake up against his chest. The want of it was so strong that he had to stick his hands in his pockets to stop them from reaching out. “Blue wanted to know what was going on.” 

Adam nodded and Ronan thought, for just a second, that maybe he should follow Blue’s advice. He opened his mouth to say something but Adam was talking again. “We should get going. I think it’s an early one this morning.” He looked at Ronan. “Did I interrupt you? Sorry.” 

The moment passed. Ronan clapped his mouth shut and shook his head. “Nothing important.” He said, following Adam to breakfast. Blue was a fool, she knew that Adam almost as well as he did. He hated the idea of transitions in relationships. There had been someone at his job who liked him but Adam had refused to date her, talking about how he didn’t want to ruin the friendship. He didn’t even like to be set up on dates, preferring to use dating apps or random encounters. He hated the idea of ruining one thing for the possibility of another. Ronan knew that and so did Blue. 

They were soon surrounded by other people, all eagerly talking about the next challenge. Ronan couldn’t find the same excitement. He wanted to get started so he could lose himself in the cooking, it was one of the only things that cleared his head. Though even that was hard with Adam next to him, helping him cook and prep. 

Samantha took the stage soon, in a bright pink pantsuit and, after her usual preamble about how excited she was, outline what they’d be doing that morning. The task was to cook with a food they hated. As she read the rules Ronan felt himself scowling. He remembered that they had had to list hated foods when he filled out the forms for the competition but had no idea what he’d put. He hoped it wasn’t something like pufferfish or durian. As he tried to remember what he had listed Samantha read the rules. They had an hour, their partner would be the sous chef, they’d be given two ingredients they hated to incorporate in the dish. 

“What did you send in?” Adam whispered. “Compassion and civility?”

“Fuck you.” He replied, still trying to rack his brain as they were lead to their stations. They were told to unveil their ingredients at the same time and Ronan guessed that some others didn’t remember either, if the conversations around him were any indication.  In her peppy voice, Samantha counted down from ten. At one Ronan lifted his lid. 

“Shit.” He muttered, staring down at their ingredients. Green grapes and a bowl of hummus. Disgusting. 

“Really? You couldn’t hate peanut butter or something easy?” Adam asked, his eyes growing large. “How the fuck are we going to use these?” 

“Shut up and let me think.” Ronan replied, staring at the items. He hated the strange tartness of green grapes, how the flavor lingered on your tongue. For hummus, it was the texture, a strange glop that sat on your tongue. He refused to eat dishes with either. He forced himself to try a bit of both, thinking about the flavors as the flavors hit his tongue. 

“Ronan?” Adam asked after a few minutes passed and he was still glaring at the items. 

“I’ve got an idea.” He said, turning and going to the fridge and pantry area.  He grabbed chicken, couscous, feta and spices. When he returned he dumped everything on the station, turning to Adam. “We’ll make a couscous salad using grapes instead of dates and hummus as some sort of dressing or something. It’ll be good. I hope.” He wasn’t exactly sure how well the salad would work but it was his only idea. He shoved some spices and the couscous at Adam. “Make this. Add a tablespoon of those two and a teaspoon of these.”

Adam looked terrified but took the items. “How do I cook this?” He held up the box, shaking it gently. 

“Directions are on the side.” Ronan replied, not looking at him as he seasoned and cut the chicken. He left Adam to make the couscous while he focused on everything else. It should be easy enough, it was the one thing with clear directions and he knew Adam could read. He was debating how much he needed to change the grapes- should he try to dehydrate them? Would that still count if he served raisins instead?- when he heard a loud yelp and a string of curse words. Turning around he saw that Adam was holding his left hand, the back of which looked red and angry. 

“What happened?” He asked, walking closer and taking Adam’s hand so he could examine it. 

“I burnt it.” He hissed, staring at his hand. Ronan could tell he was biting the inside of his lip so he wouldn’t swear more. He looked at the burn, the skin was red and Ronan was worried it was bad enough that it was a second degree burn. It spread over the webbing of his thumb and pointer finger. He was sure it hurt like hell. 

“Here.” Ronan lead him to the faucet and turned on the water, waiting until it was cool and then putting Adam’s hand under it. “Hold it here, I’ll get the medics.”

Adam let him, then relaxing as the water soothed his skin. “I’ll be okay. Just get back to cooking.” 

“I can’t leave you.” He said before trying to flag them down but another contestant had cut herself badly and all three were at her station. “Hey! Need a medic!” He called out. One glanced up but didn’t give him anymore than that. He kept yelling for them, trying not to watch as the time ticked down. Adam kept insisting that he would be okay but Ronan glanced again at the burn and how he held his hand and knew he couldn’t leave him

“I’m fine.” Adam repeated after several minutes of this. “I’ll cook one handed.”

“This is so fucking-” Ronan waved his arms but was still ignored. “Fuck it. Make sure the chicken doesn’t burn.” 

“Ronan! There’s not time!” Adam said, watching him walk away. To his credit, Ronan saw him lean over and flip the chicken, earlier than Ronan would have but he was trying. 

He stalked over to the med station, tearing open the first aid kit and grabbing a gauze pad, aspirin, ointment and tape. 

“Thanks for nothing assholes!” He told the med crew as he walked by. They barely glanced at him and he saw red splashed across the station. Returning to Adam he turned off the water and grabbed Adam’s hand. 

“I can do this on my own.” Adam said, glancing at Ronan’s incomplete dish then the clock.  

“No.” Ronan said sternly. “I’m not leaving you to do this alone.” He knew that Adam didn’t know what to do any he didn’t want to risk it getting infected. Taking a clean cloth he dried the burn, carefully patting so he wouldn’t hurt the skin. Then he applied the ointment, not rubbing it in before placing a piece of gauze over it, ripping the tape with his teeth and making a neat square. “It’s not the best but you’ll live.” 

Adam clenched and unclenched his hand, hissing from the pain. Then he looked at Ronan. “You’re weirdly good at that.”

“I’ve handled a lot of burns.” He replied, turning back to the dish. They had fifteen minutes left, not enough time to dehydrate anything or do much besides quickly finish then assemble. At least the chicken hadn’t burned. Ronan spent the rest of the time cutting everything and trying to make it presentable. He added olive oil to the hummus to thin it, trying to give it a pop of flavor with paprika but he didn’t have a good feeling about this. The dish should be solid but he hadn’t transformed either ingredient. The competition was getting stiff and he wasn’t sure this dish would cut it. 

He was sure that Adam could feel his anxiousness. He stayed a step back, only helping when Ronan barked an order. They completed the dish with seconds to spare. It wasn’t his nicest looking dish and he couldn’t say that he was exactly proud of it. Ronan glared at it as they took it to be judged.

“They’ll like it.” Adam told him, putting a tentative hand on Ronan’s shoulder. He wanted to shrug it off but he couldn’t. It made him feel better, just to know that Adam was there. 

“It’s not your fault if they don’t.” Ronan said, glancing down at Adam’s hand and slipping his own into it without thinking, it was nearly second nature now. “How’d you burn it anyway?”

Adam looked embarrassed. “Whacked it against the pot of boiling water.” 

Ronan raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were the smart one in this relationship.” 

A blush appeared on Adam’s ears and he looked down, breaking their eye contact but not the handholding. 

They found seats. Ronan realized how much closer they had to sit to the front now. As more people being cut the chairs were being moved closer. He looked around at the other contestants, letting himself think about how soon there would be ten fewer people, possibly including him. 

Adam, seeming to know what he was thinking like he always did, gave Ronan’s hand a squeeze. Samantha took the stage, all teeth and smiles and the judging began. He continued to be nervous as the dishes were tasted one by one. He tuned out Samantha’s ramblings, only listening to the judges comments about each dish. They were harsher than they had been before, letting less slide and offering more critiques. He tensed as his was announced, watching as each judge cut the chicken and took a bite of it with the couscous. 

“I wish you had transformed the ingredients.” The first judge commented. “I got a lot of hummus in that bite and I would have liked a better mix of everything.”

“Then you should have taken a different bite.” Ronan mumbled. Adam gave his hand another squeeze. 

“I like how you substituted the grapes for figs here. It was a good idea.” The next judge offered. “And your chicken is cooked well.”

“The spices in the couscous are well done.” The third judge said. “But I agree. You should have thinned the hummus more and made it into a sauce. Just dolloping it on the plate is lazy. We’re too far along for something like this.” 

Ronan wanted to yell back. He had planned to do just that until the medics ignored him and cost him several minutes. The judges didn’t know that though and he wasn’t allowed to tell them. He slumped back, taking his hand back so he could cross his arms while the judging continued. Adam glanced at him then leaned forward, listening intently. The woman who had cut herself had been taken to the hospital and her dish had to be thrown away because of cross contamination. Ronan wasn’t sure if that worked to his advantage or not. 

“The judges need a few minutes to deliberate and then we’ll call everyone back!” Samantha sang out, dismissing the group. 

Ronan didn’t move as others stood and started talking. He was nearly certain that his name would be on the cut list this time, the others had much better dishes that incorporated their stupid ingredients rather than barely adding them. 

“I miss Chainsaw anyway.” He mumbled. He was sure she was having fun torturing Gansey by hiding his keys but he’d like to see her again. He hadn’t meant to say it outloud but Adam looked at him, eyes sadly meeting his own, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he leaned against Ronan, putting his head on Ronan’s shoulder. The silent comfort was enough for him. 

Before long everyone was called back and Samantha returned to the stage. “We’ll start with our first place and count down. Remember! After this there will only be fifteen of you!” 

Names started appearing down the side, Samantha giving a small speech about each dish before the name was revealed. At ten, Ronan’s name still wasn’t up. Adam took his hand again.

He wasn’t 11 or 12 either. “Time to pack.” He mumbled. 

He wasn’t 13 or 14. “You did your best.” Adam said. 

He held his breath as Samantha described dish fifteen. “This one barely skated by, the mystery ingredients weren’t well incorporated but the flavorful chicken saved the day!” She pointed and his name appeared, nestled in the final spot. 

The two turned to each other, both shocked and excited. “We did it!” Adam exclaimed and Ronan nodded, smiling at Adam’s huge grin and obvious relief. Adam seemed even more excited than him. Unthinkingly he moved in, capturing his lips in a kiss. Adam kissed him back, leaning into him as he did, his hand finding the back of Ronan’s head and holding him there. The two broke away as Samantha continued talking but Ronan watched Adam, trying to read his expression. 

“We’ll ask the remaining fifteen to please stay here.” Samantha called. The four losers shuffled off and Ronan realized that the injured woman had been cut. 

“I have a special announcement for all of you.” Samantha said, her smile large and a little menacing. 

“I can’t take any more special announcements.” Adam mumbled and Ronan nodded in agreement. 

Samantha continued, not hearing them. “As you know we started this task earlier than normal. Well, that was because your next task is going to start right now! I’ll explain the rules then it’s back to your workstations!”

Ronan swore loudly enough that he knew they’d have to edit her last words. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, sorry its been a while. I'm doing a big bang so I've been focused on that fic. Hopefully the next few chaps will come quicker.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Fucking right they are.” He said, expertly flipping a sandwich onto a plate and adding a handful of potato chips.
> 
> Adam laughed, accepting the plate. “Show off.”
> 
> Ronan flipped another one behind his back, winking at Adam. It wasn’t often he got to show off his cooking skills but Adam seemed to enjoy it. He laughed again, “You’ll have to show me how to do that.”
> 
> “First you need to boil water without fucking burning yourself.” Ronan replied. Adam flipped him off, making Ronan laugh.

The remaining contestants were brought back to the work stations, cameras on them as they walked. Ronan didn’t like it. He was on edge and it only got worse once they arrived at the area. The stations were spotless and a food truck was parked in front of them.

“Oh hell no.” He mumbled, earning a confused glance from Adam. 

Before he could reply Samantha stepped out from behind the food truck, still wearing her plastered on grin, and began to explain, “For this challenge you’ll be running food trucks! Creating a menu and then serving some lucky fans of the magazine. Each fan can only eat at one truck and will chose based off your menu and theme so make sure they’re winners!” She paused, letting the camera pan to their reactions, which ranged from excited to horrified. Then she continued. “You’ll have two hours to plan your menu and cook. The fans will be here at 4 and they will be hungry! Good luck everyone!” 

With that she stepped away and someone else walked over to give them they additional directions. They needed to create three dishes, two main and either an appetizer or a dessert. They should expect to feed between 20-50 people. Everything else was up to them.

As they explained Ronan wracked his brain, trying to think of something easy to make that would also appeal to crowds. He didn’t want to pick anything that would take too long to cook or that needed a lot of attention. When they were set free he turned to Adam, immediately listing off his thoughts. “Tacos are easy. So are burgers but both are popular and someone else will probably have the same idea. Kebabs are good but can be too weird for people so those won’t work. I want to make something everyone likes but that we can elevate.” 

Adam looked a little overwhelmed but he nodded along. “Pizza?” He suggested.

Ronan shook his head, “Too hard to cook without a pizza oven.”

Adam paused and both were quiet as they thought of other ideas. Ronan watched as other people gathered ingredients and tried not to feel like they were already behind. 

“Two challenges in one day, what the fuck.” He grumbled, running a hand over his head. 

Adam snapped his fingers. “Grilled cheese. Easy, crowd pleasing and vegetarian.”

Ronan’s face broke into a grin and he grabbed Adam’s face. “You’re brilliant you delicious fucker.” He kissed Adam’s forehead then started running to the kitchen, dragging Adam behind him. “We’ll need bread, cheese, I can make bacon jam with apricots for one of them. We can do a dessert one with cream cheese and blueberries- or nutella? People love that shit. The vegetarian one with portobello mushrooms and pesto. We’ll make homemade potato chips for a side, its easy and impressive.” Ronan heard himself rambling but couldn’t stop. He was grabbing ingredients and shoving them into Adam’s hands. “Finally, butter, a shit ton of butter.” He turned, seeing that Adam’s arms were full but he was grinning. 

“Sounds delicious.” Adam said, shifting a package of bacon so it didn’t fall out of his hands. “Where do we start?”

He paused to look at his friend and if Ronan hadn't been in love with Adam before he would have fallen for him then. He was fully invested, listening and nodding as Ronan rambled, trying to balance the bowl of potatoes without squishing the bread. He even looked excited by the idea. Ronan had to stop himself from reaching out and kissing him then, knowing it would only distract him. 

The two went to his station, Ronan explaining everything they needed to do for prep. Now that they had a concept, the most important part was the names. As Ronan set Adam to some simple tasks- creaming the cream cheese with powdered sugar, putting the bacon on sheets to cook in the oven- they brainstormed ideas, “The brie’s knees.” Adam suggested, placing a third pan of bacon in the oven. 

“We’re not even using brie.” Ronan replied, cutting up apricots so he could start grilling them. 

“You think of some then, you can’t just reject mine.” Adam’s reply was fair but he wasn’t angry, they’d both been laughing at the terrible puns they came up with. Cheddar a tear had been Adam’s favorite, making him laugh for nearly a solid minute. Ronan watching him from the corner of his vision, unable to keep a smile off his own face. 

“Loser’s lunch.” Ronan suggested. “Murder Squash Bistro.” 

Adam snorted. “Those are way worse than mine.” Ronan’s response was to flip him off, which only made Adam laugh more. 

They finally settled on names. They named the  food truck ‘Gourmelt’. The bacon jam sandwich would be ‘Bacon slamming and Apricot Jamming’, the mushroom one was be ‘Careful what you Swiss for’ and the dessert was ‘Cream and Punishment’. Both were proud of them, smiling at each other as they gave the names to the production team so they could make the signs. 

It wasn’t until later, when he was making the bacon jam and hoping that it would have enough time to set, that he remembered Adam’s injury. “Go to the medics!” He said, rounding on the other man, who was stirring blueberries. “They can bandage it correctly, instead of my shitty job.”

Adam shook his head, resolute. “I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt anymore.” Ronan knew that it was only because he’d been complaining about how much they had to do. He was sure that it still hurt but Adam hadn't mentioned it once. 

Reaching over Ronan poked the burn, making Adam yelp and jump back. “Fucking liar, go get help.” He said, snatching the bowl from him. Adam stood for another minute, staring at Ronan before he yelled, “Fucking go already so you can come back.” 

That made Adam move. While he was gone Ronan finished prepping everything, not letting himself look up at the time. He knew he was down to the wire but as long as he didn’t have to try to cut potatoes in the tiny food truck he’d be fine. Suddenly everyone was being told to pack up and move to their food trucks. Ronan tried to gather everything in a bin but had to make two trips, losing valuable time.

He was throwing butter on the griddle when Adam finally reappeared. ‘Sorry,” He said, putting on an apron. Ronan noticed the white bandage on his hand, much neater than his had been. “There was a line.” He looked at Ronan. “What should I do?”

“You talk to people, I’ll cook.” He knew that Adam would handle customers better than him. 

Adam nodded, going to their small window. People were starting to appear, milling around and reading the signs. He heard Adam explaining as he prepped sandwiches. The space felt much smaller with Adam there, they kept bumping into each other. Ronan had to put a hand on Adam’s back to stop him from falling and Adam ran bumped into him, catching himself with Ronan’s arm. Each time both paused, taking a second to recover and Ronan thought he felt something pass between them. It didn’t help that Adam looked unfairly good in an apron, leaning out the window and talking to people. It gave Ronan the chance to admire him, how he smiled at the customers, how good his ass looked when he bent over. It wasn’t until Ronan burnt a sandwich that he forced himself to focus. 

“Our sign looks good.” Adam said, leaning out of their small window to get a better look. 

“We’re a good team.” Ronan replied, adding more butter to a slice of bread. “Some of the other people’s looked like shit.” 

Adam smiled at him. “We really are.” 

Ronan heard Samantha outside, telling the fans that it was time to make their decisions, they could choose any truck and deposit their chip in the small glass container everyone had. Adam looked at him, smiling, “It’s showtime.” 

Ronan nodded, refusing to let himself be nervous. They had a good concept- and it was fast and delicious. He’d overheard other contestants talking, saying they’d decided to make steak or burgers but he thought that would take too long. The fans would want something quick and delicious, not to wait in line. That was what he hoped at least. 

To his relief people started to line up and orders poured in. He heard several people say that they smelled the melting cheese and had to come over while others mentioned that theirs was one of the only trucks with a vegetarian option. He couldn’t help but smirk as he watched chips accumulate in their container, wishing he could see how everyone else was doing. 

“Hey.” He asked, starting to flip a line of sandwiches. “How are we doing versus the others?”

Adam leaned out the window, still chatting with the customers as he did. Then he popped back in, taking a step closer to Ronan and smiling conspiratorially. “I think we’re winning. Or at least not losing. People keep leaving the other trucks and coming over here.”

“Fucking right they are.” He said, expertly flipping a sandwich onto a plate and adding a handful of potato chips. 

Adam laughed, accepting the plate. “Show off.”

Ronan flipped another one behind his back, winking at Adam. It wasn’t often he got to show off his cooking skills but Adam seemed to enjoy it. He laughed again, “You’ll have to show me how to do that.”

“First you need to boil water without fucking burning yourself.” Ronan replied. Adam flipped him off, making Ronan laugh.

The time passed quickly. Samantha  and the judges stopped by, ordering one of everything and Ronan tried to get Adam to explain their expressions to him as they ate but he couldn’t give him much more than ‘they’re eating and talking’ and then time was called. Samantha asked all the contestants to leave the area while they counted, letting them know she’d call them back soon.

Ronan and Adam left, exhausted and in need of a shower. “What a day.” Ronan said, grabbing them two bottles of water as they sat and waited for the results. 

Adam nodded, moving in and leaning his head on Ronan’s shoulder, his hand falling to Ronan’s thigh. “I’m so tired.” Adam said, closing his eyes. “I don’t know how you do that for a living.”

“Normally there’s more time to prep and more than two people in the kitchen.” He replied, reminding himself to breath. Adam nodded against him but didn’t reply. Soon the other boy’s breathing evened out and Ronan turned his head a bit, letting himself admire Adam’s features. His delicate nose and full lips. His eyes fell to his favorite, Adam’s hands. He had piano fingers, Ronan decided, if only his dad hadn’t been an asshole he probably could have played. But his dad had been more interested in the bottom of a bottle than Adam and, for years, Adam’s hands had been used to fix cars and wash plates. It did nothing to make them less beautiful though. Cautiously, he ran a finger over the hand on his thigh, feeling how soft the skin was. He wanted to hold it, run his thumb across Adam’s knuckles. It was such a simple action but also intimate, something that he couldn’t do as a friend. 

“You’re being weird.” Adam muttered, not moving. 

“Making sure you aren’t dead.” Ronan said, jerking his hand back. 

But Adam sighed and nestled closer. “I liked it.” He said. Ronan was sure his heart was going to jump out of his chest.  Adam had never said anything like that, even if he was half asleep right now. He put his hand back over Adam’s stroking it gently until he saw Samantha walk over. 

“Adam you need to wake up.” Ronan told him, gently jostling the other man. He woke up grumpy and rubbed his eyes as Samantha spoke. 

“Okay everyone! We have the results!” Samantha said, her face the picture of excitement. “If you would please follow me I’ll announce our final ten contestants!”

They stood, walking back to their trucks with everyone else. Samantha gave another speech about being sad to lose people but being excited to reveal the top ten that Ronan largely ignored. He kept glancing at Adam, who was still leaning on him as he woke up.

“We’ll start with our first place team for this challenge.” Samantha finished, pointing to a large board. She slid off the paper, revealing the name. 

_ Gourmelt- 45 chips _

“Holy shit.” He whispered, stunned. Around him he heard applause and felt the cameras all swing towards him, watching for his reaction, but he barely noticed it. He was in the final ten- and he was in first. It was a miracle. 

“Good job,” Adam whispered, slipping his hand into Ronan’s and kissing his cheek. He knew it was for the cameras and made himself smile, still trying to believe it. He had a real shot at winning. It felt surreal. 

He barely heard the other names or Samantha’s closing speech. He did hear her say something about a celebration dinner in two hours for the remaining contestants and then Adam was drawing him away.

“You still with us?” Adam asked, squeezing his hand. 

“We came in first.” He said, still in shock. 

“ _ You _ came in first. I burned myself, remember?” Adam replied with a smile. Ronan gave him a faint nod and Adam paused, forcing Ronan to stop. He looked up at Ronan, his expression earnest. “Ronan you’re good at this. You know this shit. Of course you came in first.”

He opened his mouth to wave it off, to make an excuse but Adam put a finger to his lips. “No Ronan. You are. I’ll deny saying it if you tell anyone but you’re actually as talented as you brag about being.” 

A smile tugged at his lips. For as much as he loved cooking he didn’t truly think of himself as good at it. It was just second nature, knowing how to organize a plate or what flavors to choose but hearing Adam say it reminded him that this was something he could do well. 

He pulled Adam’s finger off then leaned in, kissing him gently. He felt the surprise then Adam leaned in too, kissing him for several seconds before pulling back.

“What was that for? We’re alone.” Adam asked, gesturing at the path. They were well behind the others, everyone else had rushed to get food or take a shower before the party. 

Ronan shrugged. “You never know when a camera is on you around here.” He knew he was giving away his game, that Adam wasn’t an idiot, but right then he didn’t care. Adam’s earlier comment and winning the contest had made him bold. He stepped back, adding. “Let’s get back to the room and take a nap before we have to go to that damn party.”

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.” Adam agreed, the two of them going to their room. They barely got their shoes off before they laid down, each falling asleep on their own side but soon Ronan felt Adam turn to him, shifting closer as they slept.

When he woke up Adam was in the shower but he’d laid out an outfit for Ronan. As much as he resented having his outfits picked out he had to admit that Gansey and Adam had better taste than him. Tonight’s pick was black jeans that were ripped in the knees and a blue button up to go over it. Adam came out as Ronan was buttoning his shirt. He was dressed up too, in slacks and a button up that showed off his slender frame. 

“You clean up alright Lynch.” Adam said, looking him over and adjusting his collar. His hands lingered on Ronan, moving down to his chest. 

“You too Parrish.” Ronan let his eyes travel over Adam and neither moved. He could feel his heart ramming against his rib cage and he remembered what Blue had said, about just telling him.

“Adam-” He started

But then Adam stepped back, glancing at the clock. “We should get to the party. It’s for you after all.” He held out his hand and Ronan accepted it, following him out of the room and to the party.

When they arrived he noticed two things caught Ronan’s eye. The first was that the food trucks were back, this time with other people working them. And then that there was an open bar that was advertising a local whiskey. 

“Please enjoy the party!” Samantha was saying from the stage. They were the last to arrive and stood in the back. “Our final ten contestants. We couldn’t be more proud of you! We’ll be coming around to talk to everyone but until then please enjoy the food and drink.”

“Great,” Ronan made a beeline for the bar, ordering two whiskeys for himself and a gin and tonic for Adam. He drank one at the bar, trying to steady his nerves from whatever was happening. Between winning the competition and whatever was happening with Adam he felt like he may be dreaming. Feeling the liquor burn down his throat reminded him that all this was real, that he was here. 

He found Adam among the food trucks, already holding a plate of nachos. He held it out to Ronan, who raised an eyebrow.

“Already Parrish?”

“We missed lunch.” He said with a shrug. “Do you want some?” 

Ronan gestured with the drinks. “How?” 

Adam picked up a nacho, offering it to Ronan. “Here.” 

“You’re gonna feed me?” He asked and Adam nodded.

“It’s probably the only way to keep your clothes clean.” He teased, holding the nacho up, eyes asking. Ronan nodded, opening his mouth and letting Adam lift the food to his lips. He tried not to read too much into this but so much had happened that day that it was difficult. It felt like something was building between them, more than just the fake relationship they’d been playing at all week. But it could also be the whiskey he’d downed on an empty stomach. 

“They’re good, right?” Adam asked, smiling at him.

Ronan nodded then looked around, seeing that there was a variety of food options. “We need to hit all of these trucks.”

Adam grinned. “My kind of date. You take left, I’ll got right and we’ll meet you at the tables.”

“Fucking deal.”

Twenty minutes and 8 plates of food later the two were at a picnic table, sitting side by side and evaluating the dishes. 

“That one needs sriracha.” Ronan said, pointing to a plate of tacos. “And this has too much cumin.” He pointed to a chicken dish. 

“Eating with you is always a delight.” Adam replied through a mouth of burger. 

Ronan flipped him off, finishing his drink and standing. “Do you want another?” He asked, Adam flashed him a thumbs up. He was starting to feel a familiar tingling sensation, one that meant he was on the road to being drunk. But he felt good, happy. Adam had offered to feed him a kebab when his hands were dirty from wings and he’d showed Adam how to roll a burrito, his hands covering Adam’s as he explained. 

When Ronan returned he saw that a dance floor had been set up and that Samantha was at their table. Taking a large swig of his drink he walked back over, sliding close to Adam.

“And how do you feel?” Samantha asked. The camera and her attention turned to him. “Are you as excited as your boyfriend?”

He nodded, wishing he had heard Adam’s answer. “I’m thrilled to be in the top ten, I feel really lucky.” He glanced at Adam, who was nodding encouragingly. He left a hand on his thigh, reassuring him that he was doing well. 

“That’s wonderful! Have you thought about what you’d do with the money if you won? Maybe an engagement ring for this one?” She asked, waggling her finger at them. Adam choked on his drink as Ronan shook his head. 

“He doesn’t want a ring, just a bigger apartment.” Ronan replied, rubbing Adam’s back. 

She aww’ed. “You two are so good together.” She smiled than asked, “Any guesses for what else is to come?” 

“More bullshit double challenges?” He shot back. 

Adam shook his head. He’d recovered from his coughing fit and replied, “What he means is that we’re not sure but we’re looking forward to whatever comes next.” 

She smiled. “You need to keep that one around.” She pointed to Adam. Then she glanced at the dance floor. “We’d love to get some footage of all the couples dancing.” 

Ronan frowned but Adam nodded. “Of course. We’ll go out as soon as we’re done eating.” 

She leaned in and pinched Adam’s cheek. “You are my favorite.” She stood, “Now I need to talk to the others. Enjoy your night boys.”

Adam gave her a small wave while Ronan finished his drink. He turned to Adam, holding up the empty glass. “If we’re dancing I need another one of these. Or five.” 

“As long as you can hold yourself up.” Adam told him, raising his own glass to his lips. “Because I don’t think I can carry you.” He picked up one of their plates and frowned. “Sushi from a food truck. Think it’s safe?”

“We are in California.” Ronan replied, smiling as Adam popped a piece in his mouth. He watched Adam chew, thinking about how pretty his lips were, how much he wanted to kiss him.

Shit, he might be drunk. He shook his head and tried to focus.

Adam noticed and looked at him. “Drink some water.” He passed him a bottle. “So I don’t get a ring huh?”

Ronan frowned. “What?”

“If we get fake engaged, no ring?” 

He shook his head. “No, we both know you’d lose it. You get an apartment with a balcony view.” Adam always complained that he hated looking out and seeing another apartment, he wanted to see the city. 

Adam smiled. “You know me so well.” He turned and looked at the dance floor, where other people were already gathering. “We should get out there.”

Ronan stood, telling Adam he was getting another drink. When he returned Adam was already waiting next to the floor, watching people dance. 

“Can’t a man finish his drink?” He asked. 

“Sure, go ahead.” Adam said, putting a hand on his hip while he waited. 

“Fine.” Ronan said, downing his drink in one go. It wasn’t ideal and he felt a shiver pass through him as he swallowed but he slammed the cup down. His limbs and tongue wer starting to feel loose. “Let’s dance asshole.”

“So nice to your boyfriend.” Adam said, taking his hand and leading him to the dance floor. 

“You’re not my boyfriend.” The words slipped out. He didn’t mean to say them but the drinks were catching up with him. 

Adam pulled him closer, glancing around. “You’ve got to be quiet,  _ dear _ . People are listening.” Both barely moved as the song changed, flowing into some 90’s rock.

Ronan pulled a face and Adam started to dance, moving his hips and arms. Ronan snorted. “You’re awful at that. Like a newborn calf.” 

The other man rolled his eyes. “Let’s see your moves then.” 

“You can’t handle them.” Ronan replied and Adam laughed. He took Ronan’s hands, moving them back and forth as he danced. He resisted, still not moving on his own. He could see cameras moving around the edge of the dance floor, capturing their every move. 

“Come on, the sooner you do this the sooner we can get dessert.” 

Ronan knew he was right. Just as he started moving the music changed, becoming a slow song and the two men moved in, Ronan bringing his hands to Adam’s shoulders while Adam’s went to his hips. 

He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that Adam was so close but Ronan felt giddy. He could see the flecks of gray in his blue eyes, the light freckles on his cheekbones. 

“Fuck,” He muttered, his head suddenly swimming. 

“What’s wrong?” Adam asked, instantly concerned. 

He was about to reply when he heard someone behind them, scoffing. “You know you’re only here because you’re the diversity pick, right?” 

Ronan frowned and turned around, seeing the asshole from the other day, standing behind them. “Even now, the cameras can’t get enough of you too.” He pointed and Ronan followed the hand, seeing that several cameras were on them.

“Why don’t we go off camera and finish this discussion?” Ronan sneered, taking his hands off Adam and rolling up his sleeves. He was drunk enough that this seemed like a good plan. He could take this guy, this asshole who kept ruining his good time. 

The guy looked ready to say something but Ronan felt a hand on him, spinning him around. Ronan was about to curse him out but Adam was pressing his lips to Ronan’s, his hands cupping Ronan’s cheeks as he slipped his tongue into Ronan’s mouth, kissing him fiercely. 

“Fuck this,” The man said but Ronan didn’t pay him any attention, his hands were in Adam’s hair, holding him close so he could angle the kiss. He sunk into it, refusing to be the one to pull back. They both angled closer, until their chests were pressed together and Ronan couldn’t breath with how much he wanted Adam. 

Eventually they moved back and he saw that Adam was grinning. “That will teach that dick.” He said, looking proud of himself. 

“Fuck, I love you.” The words were out of Ronan’s mouth before he could stop them. The liquor and memory of Adam’s lips were making him reckless. His hands were still in Adam’s hair.

“Ronan-” 

He shook his head, feeling more words bubble up. “No, shit, let me talk.” He let his hand fall to Adam’s neck, his voice getting quieter. “I’ve been in love with you for so long. Years, more, I don't know anymore. I’m so fucking gone for you.” He needed Adam to know, to understand. This was the right time to tell him, after everything that happened today, he was sure. 

“You’re drunk.” Adam whispered. 

“Very. Yes.” Ronan agreed, nodding. But that made things spin so he stopped. “But that not the point. I want to kiss you again Adam. I want to kiss you all over and take you on dates and do cute couple shit with you.” He paused, thinking about doing all of that with Adam. It was a good image. Then he frowned, trying to remember his other point. It took a minute but he remembered, looking back at Adam. “And I think you like me too. Blue thinks you do at least. Annoyingly the maggot is normally right.” He started to move back in, intending to kiss Adam again but Adam stepped back, shaking his head.

“You’re drunk.” He repeated. If Ronan had been more aware he would have heard the sadness in his tone. “I think we should go back to the room.”

“Am I wrong?” Ronan pushed, “Tell me.” He let Adam lead him off the dance floor. "Adam, am I wrong?" 

“Fuck you’re a talkative drunk.” Adam muttered. 

“Only with you. You’re the only reason I’m still here, in this competition. You believed in me.” Now that Ronan had started he couldn’t stop. He kept talking until the reached the room, where Adam insisted he laid down. Ronan fell asleep before he could ask if Adam was coming too. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan threw his hands up. “Whatever I did I’m sorry okay? I fucking apologize. You know how I get when I drink. I’m an ass.”
> 
> “No Ronan, that’s the thing-” He sighed then started again. “I don’t want your apology. I want you to remember.”

The next day, Ronan woke up with a monster hangover. It had been a while since he’d had one like this. He sat up, ignoring how his head protested, and saw that there was water and advil on the nightstand next to him. What he didn’t see was Adam.

Swallowing the supplies he tried to remember exactly what had happened yesterday. It came back in bits and pieces- did he fight someone? He remembered yelling at someone. He looked at his knuckles, deciding it had only been the threat of a fight. Did he dance with Adam? He thought he remembered being close to the other man, feeling his hands on him. There was no easy way to verify that. He thought he remember talking to the other man, Adam’s eyes watching him sadly, maybe with some disappointment, but he couldn’t fucking remember why. It was probably because he got drunk. Adam always hated him drunk, said that he was too honest and too willing to fight. He wasn’t wrong, Ronan had nearly told Adam several time how he felt when he was drunk, stopped only by Blue or the grace of god. 

Rubbing his face he checked the time. It was past 11 and the next task was at 1. He needed to shower and he needed food. Then he needed to find Adam. Deciding to tackle the shower first he stripped down and went to the bathroom, letting the hot water soak in and extinguish any of the remaining alcohol in his system. 

When he stepped out, wearing only a towel, he saw that Adam was back in the room. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning over his phone. He looked like an ancient roman sculpture, bent and solemn. 

Then he turned and Ronan froze, obviously caught staring. Adam stared back and Ronan panicked until he remembered how little he was wearing. 

“I showered.” He said stupidly, as though that wasn’t implied. 

Adam nodded. “I figured.” Adam’s head bent again and Ronan stared for another second before forcing himself to turn away.

He went to his suitcase and dug through it, finding some clothes before disappearing back into the bathroom. When he came out Adam hadn’t moved. Something was wrong. Other people wouldn’t notice but Ronan was a self confessed Adam scholar and he knew. 

The other man had folded in on himself, his way of self preservation when something happened that he didn’t want to deal with. The issue was that Ronan didn’t have any idea what that was. 

“I need some breakfast.” Ronan said, standing near Adam. “Did you eat?”

Adam gave one sharp nod. “You go ahead. I’ll meet you at the contest.” The sentences were clipped, like he didn’t want to add anything more than necessary. 

Ronan hesitated, he wanted to push Adam, to ask what was wrong, but he knew better. The man was a lock box and bothering him would only make him clam up more. He knew that he had to wait until Adam was ready to talk, even if it sucked.

So he left, wandering to the breakfast area to find that most things had been cleared. He made due with toast and black coffee, silently begging his stomach not to reject the offering. He couldn’t convince himself to move again until it was time to get to the competition so he sat at a table, watching people go through the vineyard. Finally he stood, legs a little shaky, and walked over. 

He couldn’t get over how small the group was now. It was the final ten and it felt like it. Everyone had their game faces on, the friendly chatter had disappeared. It made him tense. He could feel the intensity in the crowd, everyone was close to winning and wasn’t going to let anyone stand in their ways. 

Ronan went to stand next to Adam, noticing how Adam shied away from him, taking half a step away and crossing his arms. He didn’t look at or greet him, instead staring determinedly straight ahead. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, hoping that Adam would just tell him. He was edgy about the next task, he needed Adam on his side. 

“Nothing.” Adam lied. Ronan wanted to ask more but Samantha appeared, her usual smile lighting up the space.

“Hello my top ten darlings! We’ve been looking forward to today’s contest and I hope you find it as exciting as I do!” She turned, revealing a basket behind her. “Today is theme is based off the popular show Chopped! You’ll be getting a basket of ingredients that you  _ must  _ incorporate. Your fabulous partners will be sous chefs. We’ll be dividing you into two heats and one person will be cut after each section, leaving us with two winners at the end! However,” She held up a finger, “Everyone is eligible to be cut however, judges will decide at the end.” 

Ronan was familiar with the show. He and Adam would marathon it, him telling Adam what exactly the chefs did wrong and Adam commenting how awful the ingredients looked. He glanced at Adam, hoping he was remembering the same thing. But Adam was staring ahead, resolutely not looking at him. 

Their names appeared on a board, Ronan and Adam were in the first heat and were directed to go to a station. He was feeling excited about this one, he’d always wanted to be on Chopped to learn how he’d do. The feeling was dampened by Adam but he decided to act like nothing was wrong, hoping that Adam would come around. 

Ronan nudged him, “Finally our chance to prove we’re better than those suckers on TV.”. Adam gave him a quick nod in response. Ronan was finding it difficult not to be hurt. He didn’t like being shut out and he knew that Adam was an expert in it. 

The two went to their assigned station. The basket was already there and Ronan itched to open it. Samantha was in front of them and began counting down for them to open the baskets.

“Three, two, one cook!” As she said it the twenty minute clock in front of them started to count down. Ronan tore the basket open, taking out the ingredients. Dandelion greens, strawberries and black garlic. He stared for a second. He knew what his best option was, even if he hated it. 

“We have to make a salad.” He said, shaking his head. “You cut up the strawberries, I’ll handle the rest.” 

He glanced at Adam, expecting him to tease him for the salad. Ronan always said that people who made salads were cop outs, just chopping up ingredients and not actually cooking. Adam would tell him to be nice, if he was on the show he’d make salad and then cheese and crackers.  Adam didn’t say anything though, he didn’t even look at Ronan, just took the strawberries and went to get a cutting board. He desperately wanted to ask again what was wrong but couldn’t when the time was ticking down. He had to focus.

Ronan started to prep the black garlic and cook it, adding olive oil and other herbs to make a dressing. Once that was started he turned to chop the dandelion greens, knowing he needed to boil them to remove the bitterness. 

As he did all this he kept glancing at Adam. The other man was uncharacteristically quiet. For the first time, they didn’t talk as they worked. “Can you believe we’re on Chopped?” He asked.

Adam just grunted. 

“The strawberries look good, keep at it and you’ll be able to make your own dinner someday.”

Nothing. It stung like hell, having Adam act like this, especially when Ronan had no idea why. He hadn’t realized how much he needed Adam as a partner in this. Even though he was still helping with the baking he wasn’t there to joke or talk and it sucked. 

Trying once more, he bent over and nudged Adam’s shoulder. Adam just took a step over, not looking at him. 

Ronan gave up, the two worked in silence. When he finished Adam looked at him, waiting for more directions.

“Plates.” Ronan said and Adam nodded, leaving again. He’d barely said ten words since Ronan had woke up. As much as Ronan didn’t want to be distracted it was impossible. He couldn’t stop trying to remember what he’d done or what happened. He burnt the first batch of garlic, watching Adam. It felt like when they were in high school and he’d accidentally set thing on fire in science class, so distracted by Adam’s hands or the curve of his neck.

Now though, it was him trying as hard as he could to remember last night. Things were still coming back in flashes - did he propose? He thought he remembered talking about marriage. Was it possible he had proposed? He resisted the urge to rub his face and groan, knowing that time was short.

When Adam returned with the plates he took them, not bothering to look at the other man. Adam didn’t seem to care, he stepped back and Ronan felt eyes on him as he plated. He finished with under 30 seconds to spare.

“We did well.” He said, glancing at Adam again. Even though he was sure that Adam had been staring at him now he glanced away. 

“Sure.” Adam said, crossing his arms. 

Before Ronan could say anything they were being called up. He had to explain his dish to the judges who seemed as annoyed as him that he made a salad. Then he was sent back to wait with the others. Adam was standing apart from them, texting on his phone.

“What the hell is wrong?” He whispered, standing near Adam. “Will you just fucking tell me?” 

“Nothing.” He said quickly and Ronan let out a long exhale.

“Don’t lie. I hate liars.” 

“Then don’t ask.” Adam growled, standing and walking past Ronan. He wanted to call out for him but the judges were gathering again, ready to announce their decision. Ronan felt cameras swing towards him, knowing that if he left they’d follow. So he sat back down and waited to hear the decision. 

He was safe for another round. When he went back to his station Adam was already there and Ronan let out a sigh of relief. At least Adam hadn’t abandoned him. 

“Open your baskets!” Samantha called out again. Ronan opened his, taking out quail, kumquats and pineapple. 

“Fucking great.” He said, staring at his options. “Adam, you’re going to dice the pineapple okay? Core it and cut it into small cubes.” Adam nodded and took the pineapple, careful to avoid touching Ronan. 

It stung but couldn’t let it get to him. He looked at the other ingredients, deciding to make a stir fry. He got rice and Asian spices, starting the rice and then working on breaking down the quail.

About ten minutes in he glanced at Adam, seeing that he was struggling to get the tough hide off the pineapple. “Here like this.” Ronan said, putting a hand over Adam’s and showing him how to cut. He missed how Adam froze under his touch. 

It wasn’t until he stepped back that he saw how still Adam was. “Adam, what the fuck is it?”

Adam shook his head, looking at his hand were Ronan had touched him. “I can’t do this. I can’t fucking do this.” He put the knife down and stepped off the stage, walking hurriedly away. Ronan stared at him, too shocked to move. He didn’t know what to do- if he should follow or try and finish. As soon as the thought left his head he knew that there wasn’t a question. He jumped after Adam, easily catching up with him.

“What? What did I do? Did I insult Gansey? Did I accidentally offer you money? What the fuck did I do?” He asked, grabbing Adam’s shoulder and spinning him around. “Whatever it was I’m fucking sorry okay?”

“Just go back, you have to finish your food.” Adam mumbled, not looking at him.

“Fuck my food!” He yelled. “Tell me what is wrong.”

Adam’s mouth screwed up and he shook his head. “That’s the problem, if you don’t remember I really can’t tell you. I need you to remember Ronan. I need you to remember and say all of it sober.” 

Ronan threw his hands up. “Whatever I did I’m sorry okay? I fucking apologize. You know how I get when I drink. I’m an ass.”

“No Ronan, that’s the thing-” He sighed then started again. “I don’t want your apology. I want you to remember.” 

They stared at each other for a minute, Ronan trying to figure out what else he could say and Adam looking disappointed. “I’m going home.” Adam said apologetically. “I can’t do this anymore. Good luck.”

Ronan’s mouth dropped open. “Over something I said when I was drunk? Adam we’re a team, we’re partners. I need you.” 

“You’ll be fine. I can’t even cut a pineapple.” Adam shifted his weight and Ronan knew that he felt guilty. He glanced behind Ronan. “You need to get back, you can still win this.”

“I don’t care.” Ronan said, his voice low. “I don’t care about this stupid competition.” He reached out to take Adam’s hand, hoping that maybe it would make him change his mind but Adam stepped back, shaking his head.

“You should care. You’re good at this. You could win.” Adam swallowed. “I’ll be gone by the time you’re done. Good luck, win for us.”

Adam turned again, walking away. This time Ronan didn’t follow. 

He gave himself a minute to watch him walk away and then, with a frustrated grunt, turned and went back to his food. The rice had burnt and he hadn’t even started the bird. He threw together what he could but his dish looked like shit. Samantha gave him a pitying look as he presented it and he wasn’t surprised when the judges tore him apart. 

While he waited for the verdict he sat with his head in his hands, trying to remember anything else about last night but nothing came. He was disappointed in himself, he’d lost Adam and the competition and he had no idea why.

It was no surprise when he was chopped. Watching the others cook, he started to walk over to Samantha, thinking he could ask her about last night, but he was accosted by a cameraman, asking him what had happened with Adam. Ronan had given him the middle finger, not caring how he looked on camera anymore. 

He went back to the room after that, debating what to do. They didn’t know who was officially cut until tonight but Ronan didn’t want to stay any longer, he didn’t want to wait around for another name to be drawn. He wanted out. 

It took him a minute to even realize that all Adam’s things were gone, hastily packed. It was just his stuff now, black shirts and combat boots. He hadn’t realized how big the room was until he was alone. 

He wanted to be angry. He wanted to scream and throw shit and be upset. But instead he was just hurt. Adam had left him without even explaining why. Adam, his partner, the person he relied on, had gone. It fucking hurt and Ronan hated it. He didn’t like this, the feel of abandonment and that cold chill that came with his lack of memory. 

He fell down on the bed, falling asleep without even realizing it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the good news- I have part of the last chap written so hopefully it wont be forever until I update again!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This video was from farther away but Ronan instantly recognized him and Adam. They were on a dance floor, slowly dancing together. It took him a second for him to realize that this was the night he couldn’t remember. He could barely hear what they were saying but he watched them move together, the two seeming tentative but happy. Adam smiled at something he said and they moved closer, both holding each other tightly. Then the asshole came up and he and Ronan argued and then Adam kissed him. At this, Ronan jacked the volume on his headphones up, straining to make out the words.
> 
> “Fuck, I love you.” He watched his former self say then stare at Adam.
> 
> “Ronan-”
> 
> “No, shit, let me talk.I’ve been in love with you for years. I’m so fucking gone for you.”
> 
> Ronan slammed his computer shut.

Ronan hefted his bag, staring angrily at his apartment door before unlocking it. It wasn’t the door’s fault that he was angry but since he couldn’t place the blame where it belonged the door seemed like a fine substitute. He kicked it shut and it closed with a satisfying crack as he looked around his apartment. 

He was home, finally. On the plane ride back he had tried to convince himself that he’d feel better once he was home, that things would suck less but now he had to admit that he had been lying to himself. Everything seemed just as shitty here as it had on the plane and in the taxi. 

The last day had been hell. After being booted from the competition- no surprise there, he’d given the judges half cooked quail and no starch- he’d stayed that night in the room before boarding a plane. He hadn’t slept last night, instead pacing the room and trying to remember anything from the night that Adam was upset about.  It hadn’t worked. That night remained stubbornly blank in his mind no matter how hard he focused. 

Thinking of Adam he glanced up, wondering if Adam was in his apartment now. He’d picked up his phone at least a dozen times, intending to  either to yell at the other man or to apologize again. But he hadn’t made the call. Adam made it clear that he didn’t want to talk to Ronan until he remembered something and that hadn’t happened yet. Ronan wasn’t sure that it was going to happen ever. He was familiar with being black out drunk and the memories rarely returned. 

Besides, he was still hurt from being betrayed, from Adam just leaving him. He didn’t know if he wanted to talk to the other man yet. It wasn’t just that he’d lost the competition it was that they had been a team and Adam had abandoned him. That hurt. No matter what, they were still friends and friends weren’t supposed to pull shit like that. 

So Roanan did the only thing he could think of- he went out, bought groceries and made a giant three course meal for himself, throwing himself into cooking and chopping for the next several hours. He focused on his knife technique, forcing himself to cut and recut carrots until they were perfect. It was a distraction and it worked, worrying about his roux made him forget everything, if only for a bit. When he finished he stared down at the food, realizing he wasn’t hungry. He took a bite and the food tasted like ash in his mouth. Glaring at it, he grabbed tupperware, putting everything away untouched. 

The next day Ronan woke, unsure what to do with his day. He wasn’t due back at work yet- he’d called yesterday to tell them he was home but they’d said he should take a few more days off, congratulating him on making it so far. He may have imagined it but he thought he heard disappointed in the head chef’s voice, the unasked question of what happened. Ronan didn’t volunteer any information, just asked when he could come back. 

He spent most of the day cleaning, deciding that he needed to do something to distract himself. Hours later he picked up his phone to check the time and saw an email from the competition.  He stared at it, finger hovering over the delete button but decided to open it. It was from Samantha and contained several videos and a short message- “Thought you’d want to see these! I hope you two can work it out- you’re so cute together!” 

Pulling up his laptop he opened the first video. It was Ronan’s interview with Samantha, where he’d talked about Adam and when he’d realized his feelings. Ronan couldn’t believe how lovesick he sounded, he hoped they never aired it. Adam would know in an instant how he felt. 

The next one was short, a series of them kissing or holding hands. Ronan’s stomach twisted. In one shot he was teasing Adam, in the next Adam was sticking his tongue out at him, both of them laughing. Ronan’s stomach twisted. They looked fucking happy. 

The third one was new to him. It was an interview with Adam. He was looking at the camera, so much more comfortable than Ronan ever was. “Tell me about Ronan, he has a gruff exterior but I bet he’s really a kitten,” Samantha said off camera. 

Adam chuckled, shaking his head. “He sure as hell isn’t a kitten. He’d more like a jaguar, angry, predatory, ready to strike but also strikingly gorgeous. And he won’t bother you if you don’t bother him.”

A laugh from Samantha then, “Tell me when you fell for him.” 

Adam’s eyes got softer, more wistiful. “It didn’t happen all at once. It was a gradual thing. He bought me lotion because my hands were so chapped. He always kept an extra coat for me in his car. It was never rude though, he never pushed anything on me. He waited for me to come to him.”

“Like a good predator,” Samantha joked.

Adam laughed. “I guess. I wouldn’t say it like that though, more that he let me get comfortable with him and I got to see all the good things about him. He’s an ass but he loves the people he cares about deeply. He’s a big one for silent gestures, not words.  I fell for him, slowly. It was easy when he didn’t ask for anything in return, he didn’t expect anything. He just wanted me, flaws and all.” Adam had a small smile on his face as he spoke.He froze the last frame, looking at Adam’s expression. It didn’t look fake. Ronan knew what Adam looked like when he lied and that wasn’t it. 

Ronan rubbed his face, standing to grab a glass of whiskey before watching the last one. 

Sitting back down he hit play. This video was from farther away but Ronan instantly recognized him and Adam. They were on a dance floor, slowly dancing together. It took him a second for him to realize that this was the night he couldn’t remember. He could barely hear what they were saying but he watched them move together, the two seeming tentative but happy. Adam smiled at something he said and they moved closer, both holding each other tightly.  Then the asshole came up and he and Ronan argued and then Adam kissed him. At this, Ronan jacked the volume on his headphones up, straining to make out the words. 

_ “Fuck, I love you.”  _ He watched his former self say then stare at Adam.

_ “Ronan-”  _

_ “No, shit, let me talk.I’ve been in love with you for years. I’m so fucking gone for you.”  _

Ronan slammed his computer shut. He didn’t need to hear anymore. That explained everything, why Adam was so mad and why he refused to tell Ronan how upset he was. He’d gotten drunk and confessed like an idiot. He downed the rest of his whiskey in one go, letting it course through him.

He needed to talk to Adam, he had to explain, maybe he could still salvage this. Maybe he could convince Adam he was lying. But his mind kept going back to Adam’s video, where he explained his feelings for Ronan. Ronan still thought that was real, that Adam was telling the truth. Which made everything more complicated. Ronan hated complicated. He was happy with things how they were, him in love with Adam and never telling him. These videos changed things and he didn’t know if he liked it. 

He stood, intending to go to Adam’s apartment. He had to but the more he thought about it the more nervous he became until, finally, he knew he had to talk to Adam or explode. No matter what happened things would be simple again after this. Either Adam would hate him and never talk to him again or- 

He wouldn’t let himself think about the ‘or’.

Throwing open his door Ronan stepped out, intending to go to Adam’s apartment but he saw an envelope on his doormat. Opening it, he saw it was just a note that said, ‘Come see me -Adam’. The message did nothing to ease the anxiety growing in his stomach. He went to the elevator and punched in the number to Adam’s floor, feeling his anxiousness rise as the numbers did. 

Finally he was in front of Adam’s door, the note crumpled in his hand. Taking a deep breath he knocked. “Hey, it’s me,” He called out, hoping he didn’t sound as worried as he felt. 

For a minute there was nothing. He knocked again and this time heard a frantic, “Coming!” From inside. After another minute the door flew open, Adam standing on the other side. 

He looked frazzled, his hair was standing up- probably from him running his hands through it- and he was covered in what looked like burnt bread. “You got my note.” Adam said, his tone told Ronan that he hadn’t expected him to come. 

“What the hell happened to you?” He asked, temporarily distracted. 

“I was trying to cook for you.” Adam said, hanging his head guiltily. “It’s- not going well.”

Ronan looked behind Adam, seeing his kitchen. It looked like a hurricane had ripped through it. He saw several pots, one that was overflowing. Stepping past Adam he went inside and turned off the burner. Then he looked around the kitchen, seeing pasta, sauce and something that used to be bread. The whole area was smoky and smelled burnt. 

“Why?” Ronan asked, turning on Adam’s water to soak a second pot that had a layer of black grim on the bottom. 

“I got the videos too.” 

Ronan stopped moving, not daring to look at Adam except out of the corner of his eye. Adam’s head was down, his shoulders slumped. “I shouldn’t have left you. You lost because of me.”

“You’re giving yourself too much credit.” Ronan mumbled, putting the pot down. “I can fuck things up without your help.” 

Adam huffed and Ronan turned to him, crossing his arms. “I’m trying to apologize.” He said putting his hands out, palms up. “I abandoned you. I fucked up. I should have talked to you or something.  I was just so sick of pretending and then you said all that shit that night and didn’t remember any of it and I -” Adam sighed. “I couldn’t take it.” 

Ronan’s eyes flicked over Adam. The other man was tense, like he was expecting Ronan to barrel past him and run away. Like he didn’t think he could be forgiven. 

When Ronan didn’t reply Adam kept talking. “You lost because I couldn’t keep my shit together. I owed you more than that. You lost because of me.” 

Ronan clenched his jaw and nodded. “Maybe.”

Adam deflated in front of Ronan, curling in on himself. But Ronan wasn’t done. “Look Adam, fuck,” He ran a hand over his head. “Maybe I lost because of you, because I was distracted and you left.” Adam’s eyes fell to the floor and Ronan took a step towards him. “I was mad at you- and confused. You just left.” Ronan let the hurt come through, something he would normally never do but if there was ever a time to be honest it was now. 

“It was shitty.” Adam mumbled.

“It was.” Ronan agreed, taking another few steps towards Adam. “Were you trying to make it up to me by killing me with your cooking?”

Adam shook his head. “No one ever cooks for you. I wanted to try. To say I was sorry.” 

Something noticeable in his heart clenched then unclenched. “Fuck Parrish.” He grumbled. 

“It didn’t work, clearly.” Adam replied, clearing his throat. “So what can I do to make it up to you?” Adam asked, eyes flicking up to Ronan. Ronan stepped in until they were nearly chest to chest. 

“Make this real.” Ronan half asked and half begged. “These past few weeks Adam, tell me that it could be real.” 

There it was. Ronan’s cards were on the table. It was his confession and Adam had to choose to accept it or not but at least Ronan would know. He could move on or- 

“This has always been real.” Adam muttered, reaching a tentative hand up to run his fingers over Ronan’s cheek. His eyes closed as Adam’s fingertips mapped his face. “Whatever this is, it’s real.” Adam promised.

“Parrish,” The word was like a prayer on his lips. Then he felt Adam’s lips pressing cautiously against his, giving him time to draw away, though that was the last thing he wanted. Ronan leaned into the kiss, his hand going to grip Adam’s neck as both parted their lips. Gently, Adam pushed Ronan against the counter, arching against him so their hips ground together. Ronan moaned into Adam’s mouth as they slid together, Adam’s hands wrapping around his back. 

This kiss was different than any before it. It wasn’t for the cameras or anyone else. it was just for them and it made them both bolder. Adam’s hands slid under Ronan’s tank top, gliding over his sides and stomach until he finally pulled it off. 

“You too,” Ronan growled as they parted. He watched as Adam stepped back, tugging off his shirt. Ronan drank in the lanky torso, the scars and freckles, before pulling Adam back to him and kissing him harder, pouring everything he could never say into it.

Ronan moved down Adam’s neck, claiming it with his lips. Each time he moved to a new section Adam let out small gasps each time and Ronan tried to memorize each sound. Adam’s hands danced over his torso, palms dragging over it, making his skin feel like it was on fire. 

“Bedroom?” Adam suggested as Ronan sucked a bruise into his neck.

“Lead the way.” Ronan agreed, letting Adam take his hand and bring him to the room. Once inside both stood for a beat, looking at the other. Adam already looked wrecked, his lips red and bruised and his eyes dark. Something primal screamed in Ronan that that was him, that he’d done that. He wanted to do it again and again. Adam like this was a sight, one Ronan wanted to see for the rest of his life. 

“I want to blow you.” Adam said and Ronan went weak in the knees. The other man took a step forward, hands angling for his belt, but Ronan put up a hand.

“If this is part of the apology I don’t want it.”

Adam shook his head. “It’s not. I’ve wanted to-” He paused and Ronan swore his eyes grew darker still. “I’ve wanted to for a long time” He took Ronan’s hand and kissed his palm before dropping his hands to Ronan’s pants, resting them on the growing bulge. Then he looked at Ronan, waiting for him to nod before sliding the zipper down and tugging off his pants and boxers. He stared as Adam licked his lips then lowered himself, wrapping his lips around the head of Ronan’s cock.

“Oh fuck,” Ronan said, his eyes nearly closing again. But he didn’t want to miss this, the way Adam was looking up at him as his mouth slid forward then back, how his hand gripped the part of him that he couldn’t take in his mouth. Ronan had to stop himself from thrusting into the contact, especially as Adam’s tongue flicked out and over his slit. 

“Shit, fuck.” He swore, feeling himself stumble. Adam smiled and pushed Ronan back onto his bed, climbing on top of him and kissing him. Ronan gripped the back of his head, deepening the kiss before Adam crawled back down, his mouth back on Ronan. Ronan searched for Adam’s other hand, bringing his fingers to his mouth and sucking on them. Adam groaned as he did, the sound revibrating around Ronan.  It was almost too much, having Adam’s long fingers in his mouth, licking and sucking on them while Adam performed the same action to him. Soon both were moaning, Adam rutting into the mattress while Ronan’s hips stuttered into his mouth. 

Before long Ronan was arching off the bed, barely able to warn Adam before he came. Rather than pulling off the other man sunk down, swallowing Ronan then slowly pulling his lips off. Ronan was breathing heavily and watching Adam’s self satisfied expression nearly made him hard again. 

He pulled Adam back to him, kissing him messily and tasting himself on Adam’s tongue. When they parted Ronan snaked a hand down to Adam’s groin. “I think it’s your turn.”

Adam caught his hand, pink appearing on his cheeks and nose. “I’m -um, I’m good. I liked those noises you made a lot.”

Ronan smirked, pulling Adam on top of him and kissing him again and again while Adam smiled. “We’re together now, right?” Ronan asked, needing to hear the confirmation.

Adam nodded, leaning in so their noses touched. “That’s what you want?”

“That’s all I ever fucking wanted Parrish.” He said, running his hand over Adam’s back, just because he could. He could touch Adam all he wanted. 

“What about the contest?” Adam asked, his brows furrowing.

Ronan’s other hand came up and his thumb smoothed the skin there, a silent way to tell Adam to relax. “I don’t care.” Adam huffed, clearly not believing him. “Okay I did care. I wanted to win. But if I had I would have had to move away and I don’t want that. Besides,” Ronan kissed the underside of Adam’s jaw, “I got a much better prize.”

Adam snorted now, rolling his eyes. “You’re a fucking sap.” 

“Maybe, but now I’m your sap.”

 

3 weeks later

“Try this,” Ronan said, stretching out a hand to Adam, a dollop of sauce on his finger. Adam smirked, leaning in to wrap his lips around Ronan’s finger, licking the sauce off. Ronan had to suppress a shudder. “Keep it in your pants Parrish.” He said, wiping his finger on his apron.

“You’re the one who offered.” Adam replied, unphased. “I think it’s good.” 

Ronan nodded, testing it himself. He was trying to decide if he should add more cumin when Adam’s phone rang. “Don’t fucking pick it up.” He said, assuming it would be Blue or Gansey, interrupting their date night. 

Adam shook his head as he answered. “Hello? Oh! Hi, hold on Ronan is here too.” 

Ronan’s head shot up as Adam mouthed, ‘it’s Samatha’ with a confused shrug. Outloud he said, “You’re on speaker.”

“Hello my favorite boys!” Samatha’s voice rang out through the small phone. “How are you? I miss you dearly.”

Ronan rolled his eyes as Adam replied, “We’re good, you?”

“I’m fantastic. I’m so happy I caught you two together. I’ve been calling Ronan all week-” At this Adam shot him a glance and Ronan shrugged. “I’ve been dying to tell you, we’ve been reviewing your tapes and we showed some to a focus group and they loved you two, they just ate it up.” Ronan scowled, wondering where this was going. 

“That’s -good?” Adam said.

“Very good! Good for you two! Now I know you didn’t win, a real shame, but because you worked so well on camera we have another offer for you.” She paused dramatically and Ronan rolled his eyes at Adam, who smiled back. “We’d like to offer you two your own cooking show! Just online, maybe once a week? The audience loved your dynamic and how Ronan was teaching you simple kitchen techniques. We think it would go over great- maybe one or two ten minute videos a week. We’d pay you of course but I think this would be great for the both of you. I know I’d love to watch the two of you more. What do you say?” 

Adam looked at Ronan, who shook his head. The last thing he wanted was more cameras. “We’ll get back to you.” He told Samatha.

She hummed happily. “Please do! I’m so thrilled you two patched it up- though that drama was great for the show. You can’t make things like that up! You be sure to let me know your answer soon! Bye now!” She said, hanging up.

Adam moved around the counter to Ronan, “We’ve got to do this.”

“Fuck no.” He said, shaking his head.

Adam’s hands wound around his waist. “But we’re so cute, audiences love us.” Ronan tried to refuse but Adam was kissing his neck. “It’s a big break for you Ronan, you deserve this.”

“I hate cameras.” He muttered, already half giving in as Adam kissed him. 

“But I’ll be there to help you. And clearly cameras like you or Samantha wouldn’t have called.” Adam looked at him, giving Ronan his best puppy dog eyes.

“Why do you care?” He asked, already knowing he’d lost.

“Because this is good for you, even if you don’t want to admit it. You wanted to get your name out there and this is an amazing opportunity.” 

Ronan lasted another beat before nodding. “Fine. You’re a menace.” 

Adam kissed him and Ronan melted into it, enjoying his boyfriend’s soft lips. When they pulled back both were smiling. “Samantha will be thrilled.” Adam said, his hand reaching out to grab his phone. 

Ronan caught it, kissing Adam’s palm and the inside of his wrist. “Tell her later, right now we have other things to think about.”

“What about dinner?” Adam asked as Ronan’s lips moved up his arm, kissing the soft skin.

“It can wait.” Ronan said as he turned off the stove, pulling Adam to the bedroom. As they undressed, kissing madly at every turn, Ronan decided that every choice he’d made had been the right one because it had lead him to this, to Adam. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay she's finished! thank you all for the lovely comments and kudos. Hopefully the end was satisfying- I love the idea of these 2 with an internet cooking show. It'd be amazing.
> 
> With the new CDTH content I am eagerly plotting out a dozen new fics because I can't get enough of these two!

**Author's Note:**

> "Cooking Is Like Love. It Should Be Entered Into with Abandon or Not At All"- Harriet Van Horne
> 
> I'm pretty excited about this, ngl. I love fake dating fics. Also, picture this as sorta a next foodnetwork star/ reality cooking show scenario, but with the contestants dragging along a friend. 
> 
> Talk to me about what you think Ronan's cooking niche is on tumblr- [tinyarmedtrex](https://tinyarmedtrex.tumblr.com/)


End file.
